


Play my Heartbeat

by jjongbluemoon



Series: the "what if" series [3]
Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, First Love, M/M, Secret Relationship, blue night au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-06-07 18:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15225004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjongbluemoon/pseuds/jjongbluemoon
Summary: Kim Jonghyun had never really felt the need for a relationship right now, already busy with his school work, Blue Night, and everything else that fell in between. However, when idol Lee Taemin makes a guest appearance on his radio show, Jonghyun realises he's been missing out on something more.or "what if jonghyun wins the bet he makes with jinki and ends up falling in love with taemin despite everything warning him not to?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ: The first three chapters of this story are identical to the first part, this is an artistic choice where an au has three possible endings. The first was the jongkey, the second jongyu, and this is the jongtae. This is the final part and if you have a problem with my stylistic choice as a writer, please do not continue to read, i've worked hard on this au.
> 
> NOTE: If you have read the previous two versions, you can skip ahead to chapter 3 as that is where the story splits off into the jongtae relationship.
> 
> hello all! if you've read my previous work you know that i've been a fan of shinee for nearly five years but i've never written fanfiction before. i'm using this series and all of my other work as a means to cope with my own depression and the grief of losing jonghyun. If reading about him is too much, please do not force yourself to read my work. however, if you are like me and see fanfiction as a way for jonghyun to get his multitude of happy endings that he deserves then please enjoy :)  
> updates will be frequent.
> 
> i won't be posting any other author's notes after this so if you have any questions, just leave them in the comments - i promise i reply to every single one.
> 
> also, don't be afraid to let me know what you think of the fanfic, but please be kind in your criticisms.
> 
> This is the second part in a small series i'm calling the "what if" series or, in my head "the blue night au".
> 
> Thank you if you decide to continue reading! I hope you enjoy :)

Kim Jonghyun watched as the snow fell delicately from his studio window. The world outside had been tinted in navy blue wash and the snow that descended reflected off the dull, yellow street lights, whilst the DJ was stuck inside a well-lit room, surrounded by a group of people, all going over the procedure and schedule before he was due to go live.

As per usual, he found himself lost amongst the din of voices around him and instead focused on the window that housed him away from the winter world he wanted to immerse. He only vaguely registered that he was being spoken to when a hand came out to wave in front of his face.

He blinked up at the PD, Kang Seulgi, looking at him with a bewildered but charming smile.

“Sorry, could you repeat that?” Jonghyun asked, smiling sheepishly. Seulgi rolled her eyes but her smile only brightened. A day rarely passed by where Seulgi wasn’t smiling about something, be it as trivial as a good cup of coffee or hitting all the green lights as she drove into work.

“I said that because this is a special end-of-year show, I thought we would do a round-up of the best songs of the year. And take some holiday requests, as well.”

Holiday requests meant messages from people overseas or in the military who weren’t able to visit family on Christmas day or New Years.  Jonghyun never cared much for them, especially since they were all usually couple related and as a professional bachelor for the fifth year running, the idea of romance made him uncomfortable. He was able to ignore his loneliness when with his single friends, or by himself; but when confronted by the ideal of a relationship, it only made that thud and that twist in his chest all the more harder to avoid.

“Alright,” he simply said, nodding his confirmation to Seulgi. She grinned at him before ticking a few things off of her clipboard.

“We’ll be live in five minutes!” She then barked out, making her way from Jonghyun to the sound engineers who were checking over the mics and sound board. One of them, Jonghyun’s long-time friend Lee Jinki, jumped backwards when he felt Seulgi’s presence behind him and nearly spilt the coffee her assistant, Joy, had been bringing to her. Jonghyun watched with an amused smirk as Jinki bowed over and over again in apology to both Joy and Seulgi, who both waved it off with kind smiles. As the two women walked away, Jinki scratched his head, in embarrassment, before turning around. His eyes landed on Jonghyun, who had been watching him intently, and he flashed him a large grin.

“I hear you might have Taemin on after the break,” Jinki then said, leaning up against one of Jonghyun’s monitors. It shifted under his weight and he began to lose his balance, but straightened both himself and the monitor flawlessly. Jonghyun almost applauded him.

“Yeah, that’s what I heard too,” Jonghyun said, shuffling through his papers absent-mindedly. “I wouldn’t be surprised, he made his massive debut as a solo artist and his song’s been at the top for almost 20 weeks.”

“It’s a good song,” Jinki replied. He then pushed himself from the table to mimic the signature airplane move in Taemin’s music video. Jonghyun snorted out a laugh before a loud beeping in his headphones alerted to the fact that he only had 60 seconds left until going live. Jinki took his leave, waving at his friend before taking his place in the sound booth, watching over the live show.

With a deep breath, Jonghyun closed his eyes and counted down from three before opening them and smiling into the microphone.

“Hello and welcome to Blue Night, thank you for sharing this space with me today. My name is Jonghyun and I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas on this special day.” He flipped through some of his papers again as his intro song began to play, chiming happily through his headphones. He began to mouth along to the lyrics he’d composed in a single sitting, a spur of a moment choice when Seulgi had mentioned that a song or a jingle would bring the ratings up – she had been right.

“Today we’ve decided to do something different,” Jonghyun said into the mic, pretending that the audience he loved so much was sitting with him right now rather, smiling at him as they hung onto every word. “But first, let’s talk about the snow. I’ve been watching the snow all evening and I think it’s the prettiest right now, when it’s late and there are no cars around… and it settles on the ground. I always feel the warmest when it snows because I like to wear sweaters a lot and there’s just something so comforting about the weather.” He licked his lips and sighed. “Snow, in my opinion, is more poetic than rainfall, and I like rainy days too… but there’s something about snow, about how it only occurs when it’s the perfect temperature and how pristine and clean it looks untouched.”

He looked up to the sound booth to see Seulgi giving him a thumbs-up. “But, as we watch this peaceful snow, perhaps we shall play a song fit for this weather. Here’s Wendy-ssi with  _Wish Tree_.”

As the opening notes began to fill his ears, Jonghyun pushed himself away from the desk and watched as the snow began to fall a little heavier than before – big, fat flakes kiss his window before melting away. He sighed wistfully and closed his eyes, pretending he was stood outside in the snow, catching each flake in his gloved palms. He’d love snow ever since he was a kid, when his mother would always overdo it with a padded winter coat, thick scarf, his sister’s old beanie that was too big to fit his small head, and mittens smothering his little hands. All it had taken was for the first snowflake to peck his red, runny nose, and from that moment, he’d been entranced.

Even now, at twenty-five with a job, the snow left him feeling whimsical and enchanted by the snowfall.

Wendy’s last night note brought him back to the real world and he pulled himself back to the desk, humming along with the last few notes.

“Wendy-ssi has such a beautiful voice, don’t you think? It’s hard to imagine she only debuted last year…” Jonghyun took a deep breath. “As we’re reaching a special time of the year, a time we like to spend with loved ones, it’s hard for us to imagine a time without them. Here on Blue Night, we are taking today as a chance for people who are away from their loved ones to send messages of love and hope.” He looked up to the sound booth and Seulgi made a hand gesture that he was receiving a phone call. “It seems like we’ve already received one.” He reached across to the soundboard and put through the call. “Hello, you’re live on air with Jonghyun.”

“Yes, hi, hello,” a voice crackles through. It sounded distressed, breathless, and masculine. “I’d like to send a message to my boyfriend in the army. Jino, if you’re listening, I know about your secret girlfriend! I hope you enjoy Christmas alone from now on, you bastard!”

Jonghyun blinked wildly, unsure as to what had just occurred. Seulgi’s face was a picture perfect vision of confusion and anger - this was one of the rare occasions where she lost her smile. As he watched her, waiting for a signal to do anything, he realised that the line hadn’t ended and the stranger on the other line was still on the air.

“No, let me go, Woohyun!” The caller yelled. “I’m doing this for me, for once; I’m doing this for me!”

Jonghyun was speechless. “Um…” He licked his lips nervously and began to tug at the sleeve of his sweater. “Hello?”

The other line went silent for a long moment. “Hello?” He heard the voice say. “This is Blue Night?”

“Yes, you are live on air…” Jonghyun had been thrown off from his routine and, like a song stuck on repeat, decided to start over as if nothing had happened.

The other line coughed. “I think I’ve said all I need to say,” the voice said. “My name’s Key.”

“Hello, Key-ssi. Jino is your boyfriend?”

“He’s a cheating scumbag! He’s no boyfriend of mine!” Key took a deep breath. “You hear that Jino? When you get back from the army, your stuff will be on the streets. Don’t you dare come back to me!”

“Key-ssi-“

“I’m sorry; I have to go now, Jonghyun-ssi. Have a good Christmas.”

And then the line went dead and Jonghyun looked over to the sound booth. Seulgi made a panicked gesture and Jonghyun nodded.

“Please enjoy Taemin’s  _Danger_ , we shall return to our holiday requests after this song.”

The song began to play and Jonghyun exhaled deeply, but he couldn’t fight the smile creeping onto his lips. Whilst Key’s call had been unconventional to say the least, it provided a small piece of entertainment to Jonghyun. He felt a pang of sympathy for the anonymous caller, but he couldn’t help but feel elated to know that someone else would be spending Christmas as a certified bachelor.

* * *

The show always finished late into the night, around 2am, and usually Jonghyun would avoid a group outing to the nearest bar for a round of beers and soju to go home and write poetry in his secret notebook, but this time he found himself tagging along.

Jinki had his arm wrapped around Jonghyun’s shoulder, pulling him close, as the cold air hit their warm faces, biting at their skin. Jonghyun pulled his turtleneck up a little higher over his chin, dipping his head down and away from the wind.

“I swear to God, I’m never letting anyone take live calls anymore,” Seulgi gritted her teeth. “That was a giant mess.”

“In all fairness,” Jonghyun said, voice directed to the ground as he looked up through long lashes. “After Key, everything else went smoothly.”

Seulgi paused to think for a moment. “You are right, but it takes one to ruin the lot. That Key… I never want to hear his voice on my show ever again!”

Jinki grinned and pulled away from Jonghyun. “Did I hear you right? Soju shots are on you?”

The entire crew began to jeer.

“No! I never said-!” Seulgi’s fight was lost in the whirlwind of snow as the sound engineers, and Joy, began to run down to the bar, cheering for their boss. “Oh, what the hell,” she said with a bright smile. “It  _is_  Christmas after all.”

Jonghyun watched as she ran to catch up to them, leaving him to trail behind. He didn’t mind the moment of solitude, watching as the snow continued to fall, blossoming against the ground into a riverbed of white. He stopped under a streetlight and watched as the snow trickled down. In a moment of curiosity, he opened his mouth and allowed a flake to float onto his tongue where it melted into nothingness.

“Jonghyun!” A voice called over to him and Jonghyun looked down, away from the endless darkness above him. Jinki was watching him with an amused grin. “You coming or not?”

Jonghyun returned the smile, not letting it reach his eyes. “Sure, I’m coming.” He walked quickly over to his friend and allowed himself to be pulled into a one-armed hug.

“You sure do love snow, huh?”

Jonghyun hid his reddened cheeks. It wasn’t just snow he loved, he loved everything about winter, but there was something magical about the dark sea of navy in the sky and the endless flurry that seemed to tumble from nowhere. He made a mental note to write about the snow in his poetry book, but for now, he was content sitting between Jinki and Joy and enjoying a couple of beers with his co-workers.

When Key was brought up again, Jonghyun tried to hide his smile behind his pint glass. As Seulgi grumbled, tipsily, about him, cursing his New Year, Jonghyun silently hoped he would call again, just break the monotony once more.


	2. Chapter 2

It took the pale light of a crisp winter morning pouring through his opened window to wake Jonghyun up completely. He’d lost track of how much he had to drink after the second beer and he was certain that Jinki had been the guy to shove two shots of Soju into his face immediately after. His memory blacked out after that and all he could remember from that point on was the tweeting of birds, the mechanical sound of cars outside, and the monotonous vibration of his phone by his head.

His head pounded and his eyes burned when he blinked, but Jonghyun slowly and groggily propped himself up onto his elbows to fish for his phone amongst the tangled bedsheets. He blinked at the name on his phone a few times before a wave of nausea surged through him.

He swallowed thickly, pausing to see if he was actually going to go through with throwing up on his bed, before deciding it was a false alarm and answered his phone.

“Hello?”

“Ah, good morning, my shining star!” Minho greeted on the other end with an unconcealed chuckle. Jonghyun groaned into the receiver as he collapsed into his pillow. “Ah, not such a good morning to you, I guess?”

“I stayed out till late drinking… at least, I think I did… I don’t remember much.”

Minho laughed, throaty and unforgiving to Jonghyun’s throbbing headache. “I’m glad actually; I was worried you’d spent last night alone.”

Jonghyun mumbled something into his pillow that Minho couldn’t catch.

“Say that again, hyung.”

“I said: you don’t have to worry about me.” He could hear the smile on Minho’s end from the intake of air.

“That’s what you always say but it won’t stop me from caring. Anyway, I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas because I’m going to be out of the country until after New Year’s.”

“What? Why?”

“Ah, just the usual… The wife wants to visit her family in France and I thought it’d make a nice change to experience Christmas in another country. Why? Are you going to miss me, hyung?”

Jonghyun’s too hungover to care about any filter. “Yeah. You’re my best friend, you giant idiot.”

“I’m glad you think so highly of me. Anyway, have a good holiday, hyung, take care of yourself.”

“You too, Minho,” Jonghyun grumbled into the pillow and both ends went quiet before Minho hung up and Jonghyun’s left with a silent phone pressed to his ear. He contemplated between the choices of getting up and proceeding through his day like a regular human, or staying in bed until night fell and then staying in until the next dawn.

He was content on staying in bed before his stomach grumbled in desperation, and a flash of pain ripped through his head. Sure, he could just stay in bed and starve and dehydrate like a sheet of seaweed but a cool glass of water felt like the most tantalising thing right now.

Despite his better judgements, Jonghyun climbed out of bed and shoved his feet into his plush slippers before shuffling along, through his bedroom into the hallway and to the kitchen. He passed by Jinki’s sleeping lump on his sofa as he entered his kitchen and ran a tap as he grabbed a glass.

A moan startled Jonghyun and he let out an operatic scream in surprise, almost dropping the glass onto the floor. Shakily, he stepped out of the alcove where his sitting room lined with his kitchen.

“Oh, Jinki-hyung, it’s just you,” Jonghyun said, pressing his free hand into his chest to calm his racing heartbeat. “Wait… what are you doing here?”

Jinki responded with a series of groans and moans, and he looked a lot worse for wear than Jonghyun felt. His brunet hair was stuck up in all directions and his small eyes were barely open. His lips were dry and cracked and his clothes from the night before were rumbled from sleeping on Jonghyun’s sofa.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Uh huh,” Jinki replied, nodding very slowly.

Jonghyun offered Jinki his best smile, despite his internal conflict of a hangover, and turned back to the sink. He filled up the glass he held with water and took it out to Jinki. He accepted the glass with two hands and gulped the water down noisily, barely taking time to breathe.

“Thank you,” he then said hoarsely, and Jonghyun took the glass back and filled it up once more before putting it down on the coffee table for Jinki to have later. He then retreated back to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, gulping it down without pause.

“Do you remember much, hyung?” Jonghyun asked from the kitchen as he watched Jinki scratch at his wild hair and glance around for his glasses.

“No,” Jinki replied. “You?”

“Nothing. I blacked out after the soju.”

“Would it be rude of me to fall back asleep on your sofa?”

“Not at all,” Jonghyun laughed. He felt like doing the same. “I’m going to back to bed myself. Wanna go get some ramen later when we feel better?”

“If we feel better,” Jinki corrected.

“If _you_ feel better, hyung.” Jinki squinted up at him. “I’m already starting to feel better, but I could do with more sleep. Night!”

“Night,” Jinki grumbled, not bothering to correct Jonghyun this time. He fell quickly back to sleep, breathing quietly and rhythmically.  Jonghyun made his way back to his room and flopped back onto his bed. His eyes began to close almost immediately and before Jonghyun could begin to count sheep, he was nodding off.

* * *

A few hours later, the sun having set long ago and the sky was once again painted in darkness, the two emerged from Jonghyun’s apartment, gasping for food.

Jinki remained a man of few words as he and Jonghyun made their way down the street towards the well-lit restaurant area a few blocks away from the apartment. The ramen shop had opened a few months ago and Jonghyun had become a frequent customer, raving about the food to Jinki with every chance he got.

“What are your plans for Christmas, hyung?” Jonghyun asked, trying to make light conversation.

“I’m gonna just stay at home I think… maybe go visit my parents.”

“No girlfriend?”

“I would tell you if I had one,” Jinki said. “No, no girlfriend.”

Jonghyun sucked in air through his teeth. “It’s such a shame, too.”

Jinki peered at Jonghyun through long lashes and nudged at him with his elbow. “I could say the same to you.”

Jonghyun shrugged as they turned the corner. The street was busier than they expected, a lot of vendors were staying open over the holidays and couples were out on dates in the masses, snuggled together to combat the cold weather. “I have no time.”

“Pfft, give over,” Jinki joked. “No time? Why, what else do you do after work?”

“Actually,” Jonghyun began. “I’ve just started taking creative writing classes at the weekend to better my poetry.”

Jinki stopped and stared at Jonghyun. “You’re serious?”

“Of course I’m serious,” Jonghyun said, smiling. “I told you I would.”

“Yeah, but I thought you meant… never mind. That’s great! I’m glad you’re branching out.” There came that arm, slung around Jonghyun’s shoulder. Jinki, for some reason, just emanated heat and Jonghyun always found it comforting.

“Thanks hyung.”

They continued to walk down the street in silence, both wrapped in each other and ignoring a few pointed glances from other patrons. Just as they were about to reach the ramen place, a heavy weight crashed into Jonghyun’s side.

“Hey, watch it!” The voice barked out and the two men turned to apologise.

“Sorry, we’re still a little dru- Kibum?”

The other figure, the man named Kibum, blinked at them through thick rimmed glasses. “Oh, my God, Jinki-hyung! How are you?”

“I’m great, thank you. A little hungover but…”

Kibum let out an airy laugh. “That’s just like you hyung, you always were a heavy drinker.”

Jonghyun watched the exchange with a bewildered expression. Jinki glanced at him for a moment before pulling him forward into the conversation.

“Kibum, allow me to introduce you to my good friend, Kim Jonghyun.”

Kibum gave Jonghyun a glance over, his eyes widening slightly, and smiled. “Nice to meet you, Jonghyun. I’m sorry for earlier.”

“No worries,” Jonghyun shook off. He could smell the salty ramen broth calling him from behind and he shifted uncomfortably on alternating feet.

“Anyway, I have a few errands to run before all the shops close. I’ll see you later, hyung. Is your phone number still the same?”

“You bet it is!” Jinki replied with a bright smile, a complete contrast to the ghost he had been earlier. Kibum grinned and waved goodbye, bowing politely to Jonghyun before tearing off into the night, melting into the growing crowd.

Jonghyun growled low in his throat. “I’m hungry, hyung,” he bit out and grabbed Jinki’s arm to pull him into the restaurant.

* * *

“So, who was that earlier?” Jonghyun asked after tipping back two cups of green tea and sucking down a whole bowl of pork ramen.

“Oh, Kibum?” Jinki asked, stirring his ramen with his wooden chopsticks. “We went to college together. We were in the same theatre club.”

“You went to theatre club?” Jonghyun snorted.

“I have a thing for the arts,” Jinki said defensively. “Kibum, however, saw it as his calling. Acting was all he loved to do.”

“What was his major?”

“Literature and the fine arts.”

“A match made in heaven,” Jonghyun replied, holding back his sarcasm.

“Yeah, he was really good too… Last I heard of him was after I graduated and he was chosen to play Frankie in _Catch Me If You Can_ and apparently he’s been making waves after that.” Jinki slurped up a few noodles and took a bite out of his pork medallion. “Why are you asking me? Interested?”

“In him? No way,” Jonghyun replied. “He’s too… he just sounds too high maintenance.”

Jinki bit back a laugh as he slurped up a few more noodles. “He comes across that way, but he’s really nice once you get to know him. Are you sure you don’t want me to hook you up?”

“Jinki-hyung, after your last track record, I think I’ll politely decline.”

Jinki blinked at him, confused, before realisation dawned on him. “Oh, right… the Jaejoon thing.”

“Yes,” Jonghyun confirmed, sipping on his third cup of green tea. “The Jaejoon thing.”

“If it makes you feel better, I am really sorry about that,” Jinki said, and Jonghyun only let out a bark of laughter.

“Water under the bridge, hyung, but don’t think I’m going to trust you from now on.”

Jinki sighed into his bowl. “That’s fair.” He polished off the remains of his ramen. “But, I think you and Kibum would be good together.”

Jonghyun shook his head. “You don’t know me at all then, hyung.”

His friend turned silent and pondered the sentiment for a long moment. “Nah.” Jonghyun chuckled into his green tea as Jinki flashed him a winning grin. “I think I know you better than you do. I know you’re lonely, Jonghyun, just let me help you this once.”

“Help yourself first, hyung, and then you can help me.”

The grin on Jinki’s face didn’t cease. “Okay, how about we have a bet.”

“No.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. It involves Taemin.”

Jonghyun glanced over at his friend with an interested smirk. “The rules?”

“The rules are you have to get Taemin to say the words ‘Blue Night is better than  Kiss the Radio’. If he says those exact words, I’ll leave you alone about being continuously single… but, if he doesn’t… you have to go on _one_ date with Kibum.”

Jonghyun sighed heavily. He hated these kinds of bets, but he knew for a fact it would be easy to get those words out of Taemin’s mouth, he was a people pleaser and a social climber who just debuted into a cut-throat world. He’d do anything and say anything that would make him loveable and endearing.

Jonghyun held out his hand for Jinki to shake. “You’re on.” He knew he would succeed, and not even Jinki’s confident grin would be enough to shake him. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part of the story is the same as the jongkey version but it does change after this sentence: "However, he didn’t have too long to dwell on the meaning behind Minho’s family photos as he was back to Blue Night as soon as the New Year had closed up."  
> So if you want to fall into the jongtae story and you've already read the first two chapters from the jongkey, here is where you should start. I'll be posting chapter 4 (where everything has changed) tomorrow and then it will go to be a weekly update! <3

The holidays came and went without much pause for celebration. Jonghyun spent Christmas on his sofa in the dark watching cheesy eighties movies back to back and eating whatever he could find in his fridge (he considered himself lucky to find a couple packs of frozen chicken wings at the back of his freezer and decided to deep fried them as a treat. He also happened to snap a photo to send to Jinki who only responded with a simple picture of him sticking his middle finger up) and drinking beer. His New Year’s also went by as uneventful, but he decided to stop by his mother’s house to wish her a happy new year and ended up staying for a home cooked meal.

Over the course of the two weeks, Jonghyun received multiple updates from Minho about his trip to France. They were staying in the south, a small seaside town named Marseille, and from the looks of it, the weather seemed to be cold (Minho and Irene were wrapped up warmly in fashionable coats and Irene was sporting a felted beret) but there wasn’t as much snow as there was in Seoul. However, it seemed his wife had an ulterior motive to staying in France over the winter season, and it was to announce the fact that she and Minho were going to be parents. Minho had explained that he wanted to tell Jonghyun as soon as he knew but Irene had asked him to keep it a secret until after New Year’s, so they could tell her parents first.

“What about your family?” Jonghyun had asked during a short phone call. He was sat in his study looking out into the night sky, watching as snow began to fall once again. The moon was pale, and dim but solitude in the sky, not a single star in sight.

“We’re going to tell them when we come back,” Minho explained.

“I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to know I knew before them,” Jonghyun joked.

“It doesn’t really matter who finds out first,” Minho said. “As long as we announce it to them in person rather than, say, over the phone.”

“Alright, I hear you. I’m not as special to you,” Jonghyun teased. He heard Minho chuckle softly on the other end.

“Of course you’re special hyung; I’ve known you for years… I just wanted you to know as soon as we told Irene’s parents. Anyway, I best go, we’re going for a walk along the dockland and Irene wants to go shopping.”

And that had been the end of that. Every day Jonghyun received a text message and an accompanying photograph of Minho and Irene, to the point where it felt like they were blatantly mocking him for being single. Though, he knew Minho would never be like that, he was too kind hearted to even think of such a thing – he just wanted Jonghyun to feel like a part of their family despite the current distance.

However, he didn’t have too long to dwell on the meaning behind Minho’s family photos as he was back to Blue Night as soon as the New Year had closed up. It had felt like an eternity since he said goodbye to the broadcast for a break and he was immediately glad to be back in his leather chair with his familiar mics poking into his face. He had stroked his desk the moment he walked in, paying no mind to the new set-up of cameras facing the second seat opposite him.

The second seat belonged to someone unfamiliar, someone who was waiting for him in the staff room. A skinny boy with curly black hair and cute, rounded features was sat on the sofa running through his phone and taking sips of water from a metal flask.

Ah, Jonghyun realised, this must be Taemin.

The idol looked up as soon as Jonghyun entered the room completely and smiled politely. “Hello,” he said.

Jonghyun was taken aback by his floaty voice, it sounded youthful and jovial and nothing like the growling, almost animalistic singing he’d heard in the past. “Hi there,” Jonghyun replied, reaching into the mini fridge and grabbing himself a bottle of water. “Are you excited?”

Taemin immediately shook his head. “Nervous more like.”

Jonghyun chuckled and took a sip of his water before shaking his head. “You shouldn’t be. It’ll go flawlessly. I’m a good radio host.”

“I know,” Taemin said, looking up at the DJ through black coated lashes. He was aware that Taemin was revered for his good looks, but he was slightly taken aback by Taemin’s pretty face. “I listen to your show when I have late schedules. Your voice is very soothing.”

“Well, thank you.” He felt a little embarrassed, knowing that someone famous actually enjoyed his little radio show.

“It’s not the whole radio thing that’s bothering me… it’s being recorded.”

Jonghyun stopped. “What do you mean it’s being recorded?”

Taemin blinked nervously. “You didn’t know?”

Jonghyun paled and he began to feel faint. He was content with being on the radio, only having his voice present to the masses but having his face showcased like he himself was some kind of idol felt intrusive. “No… I didn’t.” He knew having Taemin on his show was a big deal but he hadn’t thought it would be worth making a live recording.

The door to the staff room opened again and Jinki bounded in with a big smile on his face. He bowed to Taemin and then turned to Jonghyun. “Whoa, you don’t look so good.”

Jonghyun grabbed hold of Jinki’s t-shirt and pulled him in. “You didn’t tell me we were having a video broadcast!”

Jinki blanched. “Oh, I thought it would be best if you didn’t know… I know you’re camera shy.”

Jonghyun released his friend and pressed his bottle of water to his head, trying to fight any headache that might emerge from the stress. “I’ll just try to ignore it as best as I can.”

Jinki grinned. “You’ll do fine, I’m sure! Anyway, I just wanted to remind you about our little bet.”

The DJ groaned. He’d completely forgotten. “Can’t we just put it off?”

“No chance,” Jinki replied, shaking his head. “We shook on it. Just remember what you have to do.” He winked mischievously and left the room, bowing to Taemin once more before disappearing behind the heavy wooden door.

“A bet?” Taemin asked.

“Oh, it’s just some stupid thing we made up when we were drunk. It’s nothing,” Jonghyun dismissed, waving his hand. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Does it include me?” Taemin then asked and Jonghyun found it very hard to lie to him, with his big vibrant eyes and cheeky, innocent smile.

“No,” he said instead, gritting the word out but Taemin didn’t seem to believe him. There was a wry smile on those plush lips as he turned back to his phone. Jonghyun decided to take a seat opposite him and close his eyes, counting down the minutes before he would be on camera, live, in front of his audience and Taemin’s fans.

He felt the leather dip next to him and he cracked one eye open to see Taemin staring at him with a dark look in his eyes. The idol licked his lips and moved a little closer until his mouth was pressed up against Jonghyun’s ear.

“I heard from a few rumours that you’re as gay as fuck,” he whispered and Jonghyun froze. What was happening here? “It’s okay if you are.”

“W-where did you hear that?”

Taemin didn’t reply and he moved back, shrugging his shoulders. A hand came up and rested on Jonghyun’s thigh. “I’m kind of glad… I was worried I was the only one in this industry.”

Jonghyun swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, he willed himself to not think about the way Taemin’s hand was creeping closer and how good his warm touch felt through his jeans. “Taemin… I don’t think we should…” He murmured, opening his eyes just a bit to nod at the door where anyone, including Taemin’s manager, could walk in at any time.

Taemin got the hint and held back. He pushed himself away. “You know, if you want a good time, I’d be willing to give you some. You’re really good looking.”

Jonghyun felt himself grow hot under his sweater and he began to tug at it to bring some cooling air to his skin. Taemin was watching him with half-lidded eyes, his lips plump and kissable and Jonghyun allowed a fleeting thought about what those lips must feel like against his skin, around his-

No, this was a bad idea.

Taemin winked at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll treat you nicely.”

The door then swung open and Seulgi stood in frame, smiling. “Show time boys.”

* * *

So far things had been running smoothly. Taemin kept his hands to himself for the most part, only offering flirtatious winks whenever he said something suggestive – which was often, surprising Jonghyun.

“How about we take a few calls from your fans,” Jonghyun offered after he played another one of Taemin’s songs from his album. That one had been called _Play Me_ and had led to Taemin giving him a few playful dance moves that in retrospect would definitely look like flirting if you knew Taemin’s true intentions.

“That sounds wonderful,” Taemin said into the mic, adjusting his hat to smile into the camera. He was a natural in front of the lens, which made sense given his profession but for Jonghyun this whole scenario was a well-articulated plan of torture. “I’d love to hear what my fans have to say.”

Jonghyun swallowed when Taemin rubbed at his calf with the inner part of his left foot, slowly. It crawled upwards, and a hot feeling creeped over Jonghyun’s skin. “Right,” he said, trying to maintain composure. He was sure he was failing at it from the winning grin on Taemin’s beautiful face. “Here’s a message from a fan called Key-ssi. Ah, Key-ssi, I remember you,” Jonghyun said with a fond smile. “I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year.”

“Key-ssi, that’s unusual,” Taemin added, leaning across to Jonghyun, a jealous look twinkling in his dark eyes. Jonghyun tried to pay no attention, he’d been used to this kind of thing from women but when it came from a man, and a very attractive man at that, it lead Jonghyun’s mind astray very differently. Then again, it was easy to ignore women’s advances when you had no interest in them at all. “What does Key-ssi have to say?”

“Hello DJ Jonghyun and Taemin-ssi. I’m very sorry for my outburst on your radio show before Christmas – Ah, don’t worry about it, Key-ssi – and I would like to ask Taemin how he prepared for his debut.”

Taemin licked his lips. “Well, I joined SM when I was only 16 and trained constantly. I was already a pretty well-known dancer at the company, and I was due to debut with another group until the idea went under… I was left in an awkward position and I was offered two options, either I train my voice and debut as a soloist or I leave and return to the normal world.”

Jonghyun opened his mouth to say something before snapping it shut. Surely he wasn’t the only one who noticed that Taemin had completely avoided the question. “Well, I’m glad you debuted as a soloist, it’d be a shame to let your talent die.” Taemin’s foot crept up higher and Jonghyun almost lost his self-restraint, gripping at the edges of his desk.  “But, I think Key-ssi was asking more about the process of your debut, like the choice of songs and your dances.”

“Well, I wanted to do an edgy theme for my debut, you know to counteract my cute face.” To make his point, Taemin winked at the camera and smiled brightly. “So I picked a few songs that sounded sensual and dangerous and then I had helped with choreographing the dances.”

Jonghyun nodded along as Taemin spoke, trying to ignore the fact that Taemin’s foot now pressed up against his inner thigh, so very dangerously close to his crotch.

“Speaking of your sensual songs, perhaps we shall play your title song. Aptly named _Danger_ , this song has been in the charts for 20 weeks since its release. Please enjoy.”

Jonghyun leant back, sighing in relief when he felt Taemin’s foot nudge him gently. He looked across the table to Taemin, who hid his mouth behind his hand.

“I want you,” he whispered to Jonghyun before dragging his teeth along his lower lip for extra exaggeration. Jonghyun swallowed thickly once more and tried his best to not let his imagination run too wild. In all of the years he’d been doing Blue Night, never once had an idol – especially one as good looking and inviting as Taemin – hit on him. Jonghyun gave the idol a weak smile and fanned himself inconspicuously.

The show continued smoothly, thankfully, and after Taemin’s unspoken confession, he’d remained well-behaved. He kept all hands and feet to himself and only offered Jonghyun a few suggestive side glances that made Jonghyun feel like he was stuck in a never ending x-ray.

“As we come to a close, let’s thank Taemin for taking time out of his busy schedule to join me here today.”

“Thank you for having me, Jonghyun-hyung.”

“You’re very welcome. Say, how do you feel about Blue Night compared to Kiss The Radio?”

Taemin chewed on his lower lip thoughtfully for a second.

“You know, I liked being here. But, I also really liked Kiss The Radio. Hmm…” Taemin hummed into the microphone and Jonghyun waited with baited breath. “But, if I had to say… Blue Night is better than Kiss The Radio!” He said, grinning wolfishly at Jonghyun. The DJ sighed in relief, wanting to raise his arms over his head in victory – not today, Jinki, your days of terrible hook-ups are over!

However, Jonghyun remained professional. “Well, I’m very flattered that you enjoy my show that much. Thank you again for joining us tonight. As I close today’s show, shall we listen to one last song by Taemin? This one is titled _Ace_ and was written for him by a close friend and label mate, Changmin. I hope you all will join me tomorrow under this blue night. This has been Jonghyun, thank you, and goodnight.”

As the first few notes of _Ace_ began to play Jonghyun dropped his head into his hands and exhaled deeply, puffing his cheeks out. He heard Taemin pull himself away from the desk and walk over to him. “That offer still stands,” he simply said, slipping forward a piece of paper on Jonghyun’s desk – he had been wondering what the idol was scribbling during Wendy’s _Automatic_ \- before leaving the studio completely, the cameras still rolling.


	4. Chapter 4

Jonghyun couldn’t stop staring at the piece of paper as he made his way home on the late night train. The rickety carriage had Jonghyun swaying from side to side as he used the overhead support to keep him upright. He didn’t care for sitting on public transport if he could help it, and besides the studio was only three stops away from his apartment. Over a particularly bumpy hitch, the paper slipped from Jonghyun’s hand and fluttered to the floor. He sighed and bent down to pick it up, not noticing that someone else had decided to do the same.

“Oh!” A familiar voice uttered in his ear as their fingers brushed over the piece of torn up paper. “Oppa!”

“Yeri!” Jonghyun said, standing up completely as the girl snatched up the paper from him and scrutinised it as she handed it over.

“Ooh, is that someone’s phone number?” She asked, hovering over his shoulder as Jonghyun tucked it into his coat pocket.

“That’s…”

Yeri giggled and poked at Jonghyun’s arm. “I’m just teasing. I’m actually glad I found you, I was hoping you’d be able to remember what the criteria was for the piece of fiction we have to hand in for class?” Jonghyun had met Yeri when he joined for day classes in creative writing at the college near his apartment. He was the oldest in the group, at 25, and Yeri was one of the youngest, just breaching twenty. However, despite their age gap they had hit it off immediately and became very close friends.

“Um, I think it’s supposed to be about 3,000 words and it’s a retrospective piece.”

Yeri bit at her bottom lip. “I think I might have done it wrong then.” She sighed. “But, on the bright side, I managed to catch your live show whilst I was studying in the library! Taemin’s cute, isn’t he?”

Jonghyun was speechless, for the first time in a long while, he was utterly speechless. Taemin was cute, Taemin was _very_ cute. Very cute and very flirty, a dangerous combination in Jonghyun’s eyes. He cleared his throat, the piece of paper in his pocket suddenly feeling twice its weight. “I uh-“

“I’m joking, oppa,” Yeri laughed. “He’s a good singer though, isn’t he? My sister really likes his music.”

“I didn’t know you had a sister, Yeri,” Jonghyun said. The train had begun to slow as they reached the next stop. Jonghyun looked up to see which station was being approached, and sighed when he realised his stop was next.

“She’s a few years younger than me. I actually have two,” she explained, holding up two fingers and smiling cutely. Jonghyun smiled at her fondly, he liked Yeri, she was like a younger sister he never had. “Oh, this is my stop, I better go. See you tomorrow, oppa!”

“See you,” Jonghyun said, waving her off as she disembarked from the train. She stood on the platform and waved at Jonghyun until the doors shuttered closed and the train moved off again.

* * *

Jonghyun completely forgot about Taemin’s phone number after meeting Yeri on the train home. He didn’t even remember it the next day as he was putting that same coat on. Yeri didn’t mention it once during class and before Jonghyun realised it, he was back in the studio.

He entered through the automatic doors and showed the receptionist his ID as protocol. She nodded at him and wished him a good show, which he bowed in thanks to. As he reached the area of the studio where his show was hosted, he was pulled into an unused boardroom by Joy and Jinki and sat at the head of the table.

Seulgi was stood at the other end with her laptop open and a giant smile on her face. “The ratings from yesterday were incredible!” She announced, swivelling the laptop around to face the entire group. “And the comments were really positive for the most part!”

“I bet most of them were just Taemin’s fans,” Joy said, leaning back in her chair. Seulgi looked at her assistant and smirked, tapping her nose.

“Surprisingly, most of the comments were about our beloved DJ.” Jonghyun sat up, a cold chill racing down his spine. “A lot of our fans can’t quite believe how handsome you are, Jonghyun. They’re asking for more video broadcasts.”

“What? Of Jonghyun alone?” Jinki asked, looking over at his best friend with a wary smile.

“Yes! Here’s one comment: _‘DJ Jonghyun is so handsome, his hair is like moonlight!_ ’. And another: ‘ _DJ Jonghyun’s smile is something else, he’s so beautiful. I’m in love_!’.”

“Okay, but what about the negative comments?” Jonghyun asked.

Seulgi’s face turned. “Ah, most of them were about when you read Key’s comment. A lot of them were very derogatory and downright disgusting so I banned some of the worst of it.”

“A lot of them seemed to focus on Key’s phone call,” Joy explained. “Specifically when he mentioned having a _boyfriend_.”

“I can’t believe people are just like that,” Jinki said, shaking his head. Jonghyun kept his low, thankful that Seulgi hadn’t read any of those comments out loud. Even if they were about another person, they would still run deep in his heart.

“Speaking of Key,” Seulgi butted in, her tone cold. “Jonghyun, I remember specifically not wanting him to appear on my show anymore!”

Jonghyun held his hands up. “Hey, he apologised, I thought you might appreciate it.”

Seulgi pursed her lips. “I won’t lie, I was a little happy to hear him apologising… but still… he might bring the ratings down.”

“I think he’s interesting,” Joy said. She had stolen Seulgi’s laptop during the discussion and had begun rummaging through the comments. “Plus, despite the negativity, a lot of people thought Jonghyun and Key’s chemistry was pretty cool.”

“What chemistry?” Jinki asked. “They spoke to each other once and then Key sent in a written message. He had more chemistry with Taemin.”

“Girls will see what they want to see,” Joy refuted. “Don’t question us. Besides, a lot of people thought Jonghyun’s smile when he read out Key’s message was cute. And, let’s not forget, a lot of these commenters are Taemin’s fans, they don’t want to think about him having chemistry with _anyone_.”

Jonghyun began to feel himself run hot and cold and slumped into his seat. Yes, that’s right; Taemin’s an idol, with rambunctious fans. Suddenly, all Jonghyun could think about was that damning piece of paper in his coat pocket.

“Why don’t we chalk this up to a drunken mistake and let him call regularly. We could make him a segment!” Joy suggested, and Jonghyun had a moment of recollection and realised that Joy had continued talking about Key, not Taemin.

Seulgi shook her head and took her laptop back. “A segment of what? _Questions with Key_? He’s not even a part of the show, he’s just a caller. I won’t screen his calls and I’ll let Jonghyun decide.”

All eyes turned to the DJ at the other end of the table and Jonghyun felt as if he were stuck on stage, pants around his ankles and the whole world laughing at his dick. “I… I don’t mind. I liked his drunken call.”

Seulgi clapped her hands, but her face seemed to betray her posture. Her brows were straight and mouth downturned. “Well, it’s decided. We’ll allow Key to call as often as he wishes to, no screening.”

“You changed your mind awfully quick, PD,” Jinki pointed out with a smirk.

Seulgi flipped her long hair over her shoulders and grinned. “What can I say? The viewers weren’t the only one to catch that smile.” She gave Jonghyun a wink. “We have one hour left until show time so let’s get ready!”

Jonghyun was still sat in his chair as everyone else rose up and left. Well, everyone except Jinki, who studied Jonghyun for a long moment. “Jonghyun, are you okay?”

“Super, hyung. Just super.” Jonghyun found himself fixated on a knot in the table’s wood and his eyes began to trace of the intricate details before Jinki’s hand landed on his shoulder, bringing him back.

“You seem a little dazed. Has something happened?”

“Hyung… what would you do if a very cute girl gave you her phone number?”

Jinki pondered for a moment, humming under his breath. “I suppose, if she was really cute, I’d call her. Why?”

“Okay, but what if contacting her could be detrimental to yours and hers careers?”

Jinki’s breath hitched in his throat. “That’s a little more difficult. Is this hypothetical girl the president’s daughter?”

Jonghyun opened his mouth to speak before snapping it shut and staring at Jinki incredulously. “Hyung.”

“What? The only way I can think of us not being able to be together under those circumstances is that.” Jinki then paused. “Oh, my God. Did you get the president’s daughter’s phone number?”

“Hyung, no.”

Jinki threw his hands up. “I’m thoroughly lost, Jonghyun, just tell me what happened.”

Jonghyun cleared his throat. “So, you remember Taemin’s appearance yesterday.”

Jinki sighed. “Ah, yes, the appearance that cost me the bet. Kibum will be so sad.”

“Why don’t you just date him, hyung?” Jonghyun suggested, and he could see the idea pass through Jinki’s mind for a second before refocusing. “Taemin gave me his phone number.”

“Oh, well… that’s a lot worse than the president’s daughter.”

“I’d say,” Jonghyun scoffed. “What do I do?”

The elder shrugged. “Throw it away? Why would you want his phone number to begin with… unless…”

Jonghyun avoided Jinki’s harsh gaze for a long second before sighing in defeat. “I might be interested…”

Jinki laughed and then clapped a hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder. “Well, well, well! And, after all this time I just thought you were just playing hard to get.”

Jonghyun forced a fake laugh. “We should go before Seulgi comes and breathes fire for the first time.”

Jinki chuckled under his breath. “Listen, about Taemin, just do what your heart says.”

 _Ah hyung, if only my heart was the one making the decision in this situation_. “Thanks, hyung. I feel a bit better now.”

Jinki threw his arm over Jonghyun’s shoulder and pulled him close. “Anytime, my dear friend. Anytime…” As they two walked out of the board room, Jinki then asked: “Do you think Kibum would actually date me?”

* * *

After the show had finished, Jonghyun was back on that train, rattling home. He found Taemin’s phone number in his pocket and he read over each digit carefully, and then entered it into his mobile phone. He paused for a second as his thumb hovered over the call button – would Taemin even be up this late?

He did say he listened to every single show Jonghyun did, so it might be a possibility?

 _No, don’t do it, Jonghyun, just send him a text message. You don’t want to come across as eager_ , he said to himself. He then shifted his thumb over to the message icon and it opened up a new window. He quickly typed an inconspicuous message, a simple – “ _hey, how are you_?” - before locking his phone shut and forcing himself to forget what he had just done.

His phone buzzed as he climbed off the train at his spot and Jonghyun took a second to look. Taemin had responded.

“ _No need to be so formal, hyung (peace sign emoji). I’m doing well, how are you?(smiley face emoji)”_

Jonghyun smiled at the simple message – _how cute_ – before he caught himself.

“No, you cannot think he’s cute.” Jonghyun told himself in the middle of the train station. He could feel glares and weird glances from a few passers-by who made a point to avoid Jonghyun completely as they walked around him.

As he climbed the steps to get away from the platform and into the main station, he typed his response. “ _Tired from today’s show mainly. Did you catch it_?” He sent it.

 _Oh God, did that come across as too eager_?

His phone vibrated – a response. _Time to find out_.

“ _I did! You were so cool today, hyung! You played my song again; I’m starting to think it might be growing on you. (winky face emoji)_ ”

Jonghyun smiled again, but this time he allowed it. Taemin was adorable and Jonghyun was a simple man with simple urges.

“ _Thank you, Taemin-ah. I listened to your entire EP when it came out and I really did enjoy it_.”

“ _Which song did you enjoy the most_?”

“ ** _Play Me_**.”

Taemin’s response wasn’t as immediate as his previous ones, probably distracted by something, but Jonghyun was already in bed and asleep by the time Taemin sent his message:

“ _That’s my favourite too_ (heart emoji).”


	5. Chapter 5

“You look chipper today!” Jinki commented the moment Jonghyun walked into the studio the next evening. He was currently making coffee for himself and Yunho, one of the other engineers, and Jonghyun could only give Jinki the biggest smiles. “What did you end up doing?”

“I… messaged him! Last night!” Jonghyun said, taking his coat off and hanging it up. He spun around in a little circle and waltzed over to the tiny kitchenette. He picked up the coffee meant for Yunho and took a sip. He gagged. “Your coffee takes like tar.” He took another sip anyway.

“So, it went well then?” Jinki asked, grinning at his friend. He then took a sip of his coffee and gasped at the overly-bitter taste and placed it back on the counter – Yunho could have that one. “How old is he anyway?”

“He’s twenty-two, if I remember correctly,” Jonghyun said. Jinki nodded. “I know, he looks so much younger,” Jonghyun added when seeing the strange look on Jinki’s face.

Jinki laughed. “It’s not that, though I will admit, you definitely don’t look your age either… It’s more like I’ve never seen you this happy before. Are you aware that you haven’t stopped smiling since you came in here?”

“Oh, God, is it that obvious?” Jonghyun slapped his hand over his mouth, laughter peeking through the cracks in his fingers. “He’s cute, I like talking to him.”

Jinki nudged Jonghyun’s arm gently with his elbow. “I’m happy for you. I hope things work out.”

Jonghyun was about to agree with his hyung when Taemin’s words from the other day suddenly crept back into his mind.

_“You know, if you want a good time, I’d be willing to give you some. You’re really good looking.”_

A chill ran down Jonghyun’s spine, Taemin wasn’t interested in him at all beyond having a good time and here Jonghyun was, acting like a teenager with a crush over this idol.

“Jonghyun, are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”

“I’m okay, hyung, I just… remembered something.”

“Oh, what is it?”

“I forgot to hand my assignment in yesterday,” Jonghyun lied and Jinki burst out laughing, nearly doubling over. “It’s not funny, hyung!”

“No, I know, that’s why I don’t believe you,” Jinki replied, wiping away a stray tear. “You’d never do a thing like that. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine, I won’t pry.”

Jonghyun began to feel uncomfortable, shifting from one foot to another. “Say, did you end up asking Kibum out?”

“Ah!” Jinki clapped his hands together. “About that…”

* * *

The broadcast ran on and Jonghyun seemed a little too out of it. He came across distracted, trailing off midway through sentences and stories, and even forgetting some of the titles of the music he played. Seulgi watched him, eagle-eyed, from the sound booth, gripping her beloved clipboard so tightly she threatened to break it.

“What is he doing?” Seulgi hissed. “Jinki, what’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know, PD,” Jinki replied, watching Jonghyun intently. “I think he needs some cheering up. Do we have any callers waiting?”

“We have one, it’s from Taemin,” Yunho said.

“Taemin? As in the _idol_? Why is _he_ calling?” Jinki asked, trying to hide a smile in his tone. “It doesn’t matter, patch it through.”

The red light on Jonghyun’s sound board drew his attention away from the window – it had begun to snow again. “Oh, it seems we have a mystery caller,” he said into the mic, his tone a little more chipper than before. “Hello, this is Blue Night, you are on the air.”

“Jonghyun-hyung?” Taemin’s voice crackled through and Jonghyun immediately went red, his heart began to race.

“H-hello, Taemin-ah! What a surprise!”

“Ah, I missed you, hyung. I thought I’d give you a call since I’m free from any commitments right now,” Taemin said, his voice sounded hazy and tired, as if he had just woken up. “You don’t sound like yourself tonight, hyung.”

“Oh, don’t I?” Jonghyun asked, forcing a chuckle under his breath. “I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Or some _one_ , perhaps?” Taemin asked hopefully.

Seulgi watched as the number of listeners began to rise dramatically with Taemin’s impromptu phone call. She sighed heavily and pressed her hand to her forehead, saving her head from any oncoming ache.

“Aha, Taemin-ah, what are you talking about?” Jonghyun joked, but his tone gave him away.

“Ah, hyung, do you miss me? I make such an impression on people.”

Jonghyun smiled. “Taemin-ah, if you’re not careful people may start questioning things.”

Taemin laughed deeply and Jonghyun felt his heart flip in his throat. Taemin had an attractive laugh, low and rough, and it set every nerve in Jonghyun’s body on fire. “You’re right, hyung. I just wanted to request a song from my favourite radio station, if that’s okay?”

“Your favourite radio show, huh?” Jonghyun teased. “I suppose I can do that for you.”

“Ah, thank you. I’m currently in my manager’s car on the way home so could you play Taeyeon’s _I Got Love_ , please?”

“Of course, Taemin-ah. Have a good night.”

“You too, hyung. See you soon, hopefully.” The idol hung up immediately and Seulgi watched as the numbers remained stagnant on her screen. She prayed that they wouldn’t drop now that Taemin had left.

“Well, for Taemin-ah, we shall play his request. Here is Taeyeon’s _I Got Love_ , a sultry love song, perfect for this evening.” Jonghyun played the song and sat back, sighing deeply. He tried his best to ignore the suggestive lyrics and the implication of what they meant from Taemin’s point of view.

 _Need you closer, need you closer_ … Taeyeon sang into his ears. Jonghyun liked Taeyeon’s music and actively followed her promotions as much as he could, but right now she felt like a bane to his existence.

He allowed himself to close his eyes and just enjoy the music, trying to forget about Taemin’s intentions. However, it seemed like Taemin wouldn’t leave his conscience, as that pretty face, framed with curly, soft black hair came into view. His pretty, plush lips formed along to Taeyeon’s words flawlessly and a cold sweat began to run down Jonghyun’s back. He didn’t want to think about what this meant.

* * *

After a few more songs, Jonghyun returned to taking calls.

“Hello, this is Blue Night; you’re live on the air.”

“Hello, DJ Jonghyun, my name is Key.”

Jonghyun immediately perked up, much to Seulgi’s disbelief. “Key-ssi, it’s been a while!”

“It has. I want to apologise to everyone once more for my outburst on your last show.”

Jonghyun laughed freely. “Don’t worry about Key-ssi, I hope everything is working out well for you now?”

“Actually, it is. I was hoping for some advice from you DJ Jjong.”

The nickname felt unfamiliar but it sat well in Jonghyun’s heart. “Well, I’ll help you in any way I can.”

Key returned Jonghyun’s laugh with one of his own and Jonghyun still continued to fight the familiarity in the caller’s voice. “As you may know I recently broke up with my ex and on that day as I was walking out of my apartment to clear my head, I bumped into an old friend. I’ve always had a thing for them and I was just wondering if you had any advice on how to ask someone on a date without coming across as desperate?”

Jonghyun hummed into the mic, his voice deep and rumbling. “Well, for starters, if this person is an old friend then you probably already know them well. Why don’t you try asking them out for a coffee? Something completely neutral and then in that setting you can talk about your feelings. I’m sorry, my experience in dating isn’t the best but if it were me, I’d want to just be told outright ‘ _hey, I like you, do you maybe want to go out some time?_ ’ something simple, y’know?”

He could hear Key smile on the other line. “That sounds good. But what if that person’s put off by my personality?”

“Then, Key-ssi, that person isn’t worth your time,” Jonghyun said honestly. “Key-ssi, I’m sure you’re a great guy and anyone would be lucky to date you, so don’t forget to let that person know that little fact.”

Key chuckled. “Thank you DJ Jjong. I have to go now; I have work to get to. I hope you have a good remainder of the show.”

“Thank you, Key-ssi, I hope you’ll keep listening. If you have any other queries just call here and I’ll try my best.”

“Thank you, DJ Jjong.”

The call ended with a soft click and Jonghyun smiled, he liked handing out pieces of advice, even if he was terrible at taking it himself. “Well, as I said to Key-ssi earlier, if you have any queries I’d be more than happy to offer my insight! Shall we play another song? How about _Ace_ by Taemin? That song’s grown on me quite a bit. I like to play this song when I’m at home studying or writing. If you are struggling to focus on something important, give this song a listen to.”

* * *

A black car was sat outside of the studio when Jonghyun and Jinki emerged. The elder, as usual, had his arm wrapped around the DJ’s shoulder, the two laughing about something.

“Oh,” Jinki said, stopping on the stairs and removing his arm from Jonghyun. “It’s snowing.” The two looked up and saw the millions of tiny flakes of snow descend from the abyss above.

“Huh, how about that,” Jonghyun uttered as he continued to climb down the stairs.

Neither of the men paid much attention to the black car until the door opened and Lee Taemin stepped out wearing a beanie and a face mask. “Hyung,” he said quietly, so inaudible it was almost lost in the air. Jonghyun, however, heard it clear as day, as if it was a magnet drawing him closer to Taemin.

“T-Taemin-ah!?” Jonghyun hissed, stepping closer. “Is that you?”

Taemin lowered his face mask to grin at the elder. “Yup! Are you going home?”

Jonghyun nodded his head and then looked over at Jinki, who was still stood on the stairs, but this time his attention was on his phone, lips pursed and eyes wide. “I usually go home with that dumbass up there.”

Taemin looked over his shoulder and scowled at Jinki. “Ah, I see.” The idol then kicked his shoe against the ground and played with a piece of hair exposed under the beanie. “Do you want a lift instead?”

“Oh, I-“ Jonghyun started before being cut off by Jinki’s excited exclamation.

“Jonghyun! Jonghyun! I know who Key-ssi is!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jonghyun asked as the elder fast walked over to him and Taemin.

“Oh, are you entertaining?” Jinki asked with a cheeky grin. “Sorry, I’ll leave you to it. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow. Have fun.” He said the last part with a wink as he pushed Jonghyun into Taemin. The idol was pushed back into the backseat of the car and Jonghyun only managed to keep his balance by holding onto the car door, which swung violently from the force.

“I’m going to kill him,” Jonghyun ground out as Jinki skipped away, laughing happily into the air. “He’s such an airhead. Dork!” He shouted the extra part at Jinki, who ignored it easily.

Taemin chuckled and pulled his face mask off. “Get in,” he said, scooting over to the other end of the car and Jonghyun had no choice but to climb in. “Where do you live?”

Jonghyun gave his address to the idol and Taemin relayed it to the driver. “Nice car you have.”

“Thank you,” Taemin replied. “I was wondering if you’d been thinking about my offer.”

“O-oh, that… I…”

Taemin shifted a little closer and placed his hand on Jonghyun’s chest, even through the thick sweater he was wearing, he could feel his rapid heartbeat. “Do I make you nervous, hyung?” He whispered.

Jonghyun swallowed thickly, audibly, and Taemin grinned. “You er… I…”

“Shush, hyung, I’ll make you feel really good, I promise.” Taemin then pressed his lips against Jonghyun’s, and like a whip, his resolve cracked. Taemin tasted minty and fresh as their lips moved against each other.

The idol took all caution to the wind and swung his leg over Jonghyun’s lap to straddle him. Jonghyun’s hands came up underneath the thin, long sleeved top the idol was wearing beneath his coat and he could feel the harsh ridges of his muscles that quivered beneath his touch.

“Hyung,” Taemin whispered into Jonghyun’s mouth, and that was all he needed to invite Taemin into his apartment, kissing him senselessly as he closed the door to the outside world, all that remained was Taemin and the look of desire burning in his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

There was unfamiliar warmth pressing down on Jonghyun’s chest when he woke up the next morning. As his eyes fluttered open to his cream coloured ceiling, fragments of last night flickered through his mind like movie clips. He remembered Taemin visiting him at the studio, and then he remembered making out with Taemin in a chauffeured car. And then he recollected everything that happened after he invited the idol into his home, every touch and kiss and gasp of air was replayed in his mind over and over again.

The warmth on Jonghyun’s chest began to shift, groaning as it awoke. Jonghyun stared down in horror as Taemin poked his head up over the sheets with a blissful smile on his face. “Hyung,” Taemin mumbled, still slightly comatose. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Jonghyun repeated, feeling a cold chill run over his body.

“Did you sleep well?” Taemin asked, sitting up and stretching. The sheets fell around his waist and Jonghyun could see clearly from behind that Taemin was completely naked – as was he.

“I did…”

Taemin yawned and blinked at the mirror that hung on the wall across the bed. He then shot Jonghyun a suggestive smirk. “I didn’t know you were so kinky, hyung.”

“I’m not… there was just no room for it anywhere else,” Jonghyun explained, feeling his entire face catch on fire. Taemin in the morning was twice as enticing as he was at any other time of the day.

Taemin tapped his lip with his index finger and then laughed. “Maybe I’m the kinky one then.” The idol then scooted over to the other side of the bed and climbed out, gifting Jonghyun of the view of his entire naked body, illuminated in the golden sunlight. “Where are my clothes?”

“Out in the living room, I think,” Jonghyun replied, trying to recall the minute details. All he could really remember was his mouth attached to Taemin’s neck as he pulled every inch of clothing he could from the idol’s body.

“Want me to fetch yours too?”

“I’ll just grab some clean ones,” Jonghyun replied.

“Well, you’ll still need to pick up your dirty ones,” Taemin said as he made his way into the living room. “Hyung! You’ve made such a mess!”

Jonghyun grabbed a pair of boxers from his underwear drawer quickly and whipped them on before following Taemin out into the living area. He was bending down picking up articles of clothing and throwing them over his shoulder. “Do you want to borrow some underwear?” Jonghyun asked, trying very hard not to stare at the curve of Taemin’s ass as he continued walking around and bending down.

“No, I’m fine.” Jonghyun felt hot all over. “I’ll just go commando until I get back to my dorm.”

“I can lend you some, it’s no issue.”

“Hyung, I said I’m fine,” Taemin reiterated with a fond smile. “But thank you for offering.”

“Do you want a drink instead?”

“Can I have a cup of you?”

Jonghyun snorted. “No, I’m afraid there’s water, juice, or tea.”

“No coffee?”

“I’m out of coffee.” And he kept forgetting to buy some more.

“I’ll have nothing then. I’m going to quickly use your shower and go.” Taemin handed over a pile of clothes to Jonghyun and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before sauntering off into the bathroom. Jonghyun exhaled deeply and stumbled over onto his sofa, landing face first against the cushions. With any chance of noise being muffled and drowned out by the shower, Jonghyun let out an anguished scream.

Jonghyun wasn’t like this at all; he didn’t sleep with strangers, and especially not with strangers who had a very clean public image to maintain. What on Earth was so magnetic about Taemin that caused Jonghyun to lose all self-restraint?

The shower turned off a few moments later and Jonghyun sat up, quick as lightening, and bolted into the bedroom. There was a moment of scuffling that Jonghyun could hear through the walls as he quickly threw on a basic shirt and black pants. The door then opened and he could hear Taemin step out.

“Hyung?”

“I’m getting dressed, Taemin!” Jonghyun called out. He heard footsteps come towards the bedroom and the doorknob turned. “Don’t come in!”

He could hear Taemin scoff on the other side. “Hyung, I don’t think you quite comprehend what happened last night. I saw _everything_.”

Jonghyun was sure his face couldn’t get any warmer, but somehow it did. “That- It- Just don’t come in.”

“Fine,” Taemin whined. “I have to go now, hyung. I booked a taxi whilst I was getting changed and it’s going to be outside in about five minutes. Do you know where my mask is?”

“Um…” Jonghyun quickly buttoned his shirt up and left the bedroom. Taemin whistled as he walked past. “I think…” He stood in the mouth of his living room, scouring the area before his eyes landed on a piece of white cloth hanging over his lampshade. “Here.”

“What- How did it end up there?”

“Don’t ask, just don’t ask.”

“Alright,” Taemin shrugged and put it on. “Thanks for last night, hyung. I’ll call you.” He walked over and pressed a kiss to Jonghyun’s lips again. This time, Jonghyun found himself chasing the contact when Taemin pulled back.

And then, like a whirlwind, the idol was gone.

* * *

The remainder of the week passed by easily for Jonghyun, despite the images that plagued his memory. He suffered through a live video broadcast – something Seulgi had threatened him with for his poor behaviour the day before - awkwardly, and found that a lot of his listeners were young girls, roughly aged between sixteen and twenty. A lot of them were unashamed of voicing their thoughts on Jonghyun’s appearance on the live chat that had been set up.

The broadcast after was the regular kind, Jonghyun talking into the mic about everything and anything. He spoke about Valentines being a couple of weeks away, and a few listeners sent in messages asking for advice on how to treat their boyfriends for the holiday. Jonghyun jokingly replied that he had little care for the holiday, being bitterly single for so long, but he offered the same old generic advice: chocolate was always a winner, and dinner and a movie couldn’t go wrong by any feat. He also offered outlandish advice, using his creative writing as a focus point, and suggested that they try a hand at writing poetry or a song.

“Oppa, that’s something a man should do for their girlfriend!” One of the commenters responded and Jonghyun chuckled, trying hard not to roll his eyes. He then explained that to him, music is genderless and men can enjoy poetry and music as much as a girl can.

However, as chipper and exuberant as Jonghyun appeared in public, his private image was beginning to fail. Since his encounter with Taemin the other day, and the idol’s promise to call, he hadn’t received a single word. Not even a simple text message.

Saturday night had Jonghyun slumping in a bar with Jinki comforting him as best as he could. “It could be worse, Jonghyun.”

“How could it be worse?” Jonghyun cried, taking a swig from his beer bottle and then rested his head against the bar when he found it empty. “Even my alcohol is laughing at me.”

“No one’s laughing at you, Jonghyun. And it definitely could be worse because you could be in love with Taemin and he could just be messing with you. Be thankful it was just a one-time physical encounter.”

Jonghyun sighed sadly and then lifted his head up. “Another beer please!” He slid the other bottle to join its four empty siblings. Jinki watched with a pitiful smile before reaching out to pat Jonghyun’s back gently.

Then, Jonghyun’s phone vibrated from where Jonghyun had placed it on the bar and the screen lit up.

1 New Message.

Jonghyun immediately straightened himself, a complete one-eighty to his earlier mood, and stared at the phone. He then glanced at Jinki expectantly.

“Read it!” Jinki urged.

Jonghyun snatched his phone and swiped the screen open. The message popped up and Jonghyun’s face fell. “It’s just Minho. He’s coming home tonight and he wants to meet up for coffee tomorrow.”

Jinki simply patted Jonghyun’s shoulder as he slumped back on the bar and quickly took a sip of his beer. “At least now you can move on from this.”

“Yeah,” Jonghyun sighed. “Yeah.” He paused and sipped from his fresh bottle of beer. “Didn’t you say you were going to tell me who this Key-ssi is?”

Jinki smirked. “You remember Kibum?”

Jonghyun wrinkled his nose, trying to grab hold of the memory. It had been just before Christmas, and he recalled being hungover. And then he remembered Kibum with his pretty face and pretty hair and oh-

“Key-ssi is Kibum!?”

“Shush! Shush!” Jinki flailed, trying to get Jonghyun to lower his volume. “Keep your voice down, you drunk!”

“Wow,” Jonghyun awed. “Key-ssi is Kibum…”

“Yeah,” Jinki said, sipping his own, lone, bottle of beer.

As the night wore on the two men shared a few more beers between them before paying their tab and walking out into the night. As Kibum came to pick Jinki up in his sports car, he offered Jonghyun a lift home. Jonghyun fell asleep in the backseat, a soft smile on his face. He didn’t have it in him to be bitter, if Jinki was happy, so was he.

* * *

A few days later, Jonghyun found himself singing as he climbed the stairs to his apartment to find a figure dressed solely in black curled up outside his door. He immediately stilled, panicked.“Hello?” He called out to it, stepping a little closer.

The lump lifted its head and Taemin’s face stared back at him, shadowed by a baseball cap and that white face mask. “Hyung,” Taemin said, his eyes shining in the flecks of moonlight pouring in through the windows of the hallway. “Hyung!” He pulled the face mask off, revealing a relieved smile.

“Taemin-ah? What are you doing here?” Jonghyun asked, stumbling over to the door and helping the young man to his feet.

“I missed you and I had a huge fight with my manager about my concept for my next comeback and I just didn’t know where else to go and I…” Taemin took a deep breath. “I just didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

Jonghyun didn’t quite know where it began as his lips fell onto Taemin’s, fumbling with his keys to unlock his apartment and bring the idol inside. He didn’t quite know when it ended either as Taemin rolled off of him and sighed peacefully, he seemed so content on the outside and Jonghyun wished he could feel just a sliver of that on the inside. Sex had never made him feel so empty before, but then again, he had also never felt something so electrifying in his life. Taemin’s touch had the ability to pull feelings from him that he never knew he could feel.

Taemin leaned across Jonghyun and pulled up his jeans from beside the bed and grabbed his phone.  He scrolled through it a few times and then sighed, placing it on the bedside table beside Jonghyun’s. “My manager’s been calling, asking where I am.”

“Shouldn’t you go back? You might get into trouble.”

Taemin stared at Jonghyun through messy black hair. “Nah, I always do this.”

Jonghyun didn’t quite want to think about the implications of that. “Are you spending the night again?”

Taemin sat up straight and stretched. “Logically, I shouldn’t and you _are_ right, I should go back to my manager… but… I quite like it here with you.” He snuggled down and pressed himself against Jonghyun’s chest. “Has anyone told you how sexy you are?”

Jonghyun laughed. “A few times, why?”

Taemin looked up at him. “Because you’re so much more than that. You’re really quite beautiful, hyung.” Jonghyun was taken aback by Taemin’s spontaneous confession and he was rendered speechless. Taemin gave him a quick peck before resting up against Jonghyun’s chest again. “I… I might not be able to see you for a while. I’m going to be taking extra Japanese lessons because my agency wants me to push for a Japanese debut.”

“That’s fine,” Jonghyun said.

“Try not to miss me too much,” Taemin teased.

Jonghyun chuckled low in his throat. “Don’t worry about that, I doubt you’ll miss me either.”

He heard Taemin inhale sharply and saw the sheet shift as if he was clutching it tighter to him. “Haha, yeah,” Taemin croaked out with a pathetic attempt of a laugh. “I probably won’t miss… you at all.”

There was a loneliness in Taemin’s words that had Jonghyun’s heart hurting for him. He didn’t want to think about the implications of Taemin’s behaviour and how it contradicted the words he spoke. It made this just too hard, and it would leave Jonghyun unfixable when it would inevitably end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me!
> 
> twitter: @jjong_bluemoon
> 
> If you could also leave a comment to let me know what you think, it would be really appreciated! :))


	7. Chapter 7

The morning after Jonghyun awoke to find himself alone in his bed. All of Taemin’s clothes had been swiped from the floor but his phone was still on Jonghyun’s bedside table. To the DJ’s horror he realised that his own phone was missing instead. A little blue light tucked away at the corner of Taemin’s phone blinked up at him and Jonghyun tentatively pressed the home key to check any messages. Taemin had sent one to himself from Jonghyun’s phone.

“ _Hyung, I took your phone so I’ll drop by after Blue…”_

Jonghyun rubbed at his temple, this was not ideal at all but it wasn’t unsolvable. Maybe having a day without his phone would be good for him. With a repressed sigh, Jonghyun climbed out of bed and dressed himself for the day, wearing something casual to meet Minho at the café later.

A tinny jingle came from the bed and Jonghyun looked over to see that Taemin’s phone was ringing. He slowly walked over to it and frowned when he didn’t recognise the number. He let it go through to voicemail.

The jingle ended almost immediately and Jonghyun watched as a message came through instead.

“ _Tae, are you busy tonight or are you still seeing…_ ”

The message cut off and Jonghyun didn’t know Taemin’s password to get in and read the message. Seeing who? Was the contact referring to Jonghyun or was Taemin seeing more than one person on the side?

A bubble of jealousy popped in Jonghyun’s stomach and he shook his head, willing away any negativity. He had made it absolutely clear to himself that he didn’t want to get attached to Taemin and if the idol was indeed seeing multiple people then so be it. They weren’t in a monogamous relationship and Jonghyun didn’t own the idol.

Except, as much as he tried to reason with himself, he still couldn’t fight the suffocating sadness that began to wash over him. He left Taemin’s phone and walked out of his apartment.

* * *

Minho was dressed as stylishly as always as he waited in a high-end café in Gangnam. Jonghyun looked over himself in the window, scrutinising every piece of clothing he had on. A simple red sweater and smart blue jeans shouldn’t seem so out of place but in that café it was the equivalent of wearing pyjamas out of the house.

With a deep sigh he opened the door and walked in. Minho looked up at the jingle of bell above the door and smiled widely. “Hyung!” He called out, standing up. His tall stature attracted the eyes of the other patrons for a brief second. Minho held his arms out to pull Jonghyun into a hug but the elder rejected it.

“Have you been waiting long?” Jonghyun asked as he sat opposite his friend. Minho pouted, dejected that his hug had been turned down.

“Not really. I was actually waiting for you before I made an order. Do you want a regular Americano?”

“Actually, I’ll have a latte this time,” Jonghyun replied. “Ask for extra sugar cubes.”

“Feeling tired?” Minho asked as he pulled out his wallet.

“Something like that,” Jonghyun answered. Minho nodded once, curtly and precise just like always, and then stood up and walked over to the counter. He offered the barista a winning smile and Jonghyun could see her practically melt behind the counter. Minho had always attracted the girls, he was tall and handsome. Jonghyun had always felt a level of insecurity next to him, being short and the victim of braces throughout most of high school. Girls never flocked to him as easily.

In the end, it never really bothered Jonghyun that girls didn’t like him, what bothered Jonghyun more was how they would take Minho’s attention away from him. It was the first step in Jonghyun figuring out his sexuality.

Minho returned moments later with a tall glass of a caramel coloured latte and a small cup of jet black coffee. Jonghyun gagged at the strong smell. “Ah, sorry. I got addicted to espressos when I was in France.” He took a sip and sighed happily. “They don’t taste the same over here though.”

Jonghyun sipped on his latte. “Imagine how they taste in Italy.” Minho laughed at his comment and hummed in agreement. “So, how’s Irene?”

“Tired. Nauseous. Hungry. All the pregnant things.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to be a father… It feels so weird.”

Minho laughed awkwardly. “I feel the same sometimes. I look at myself in the mirror and I think, where did my sixteen year old self go?” He scratched at his cheek. “How’s the radio show going?”

“Well. It’s going well.”

Minho nodded along as he took another sip of his coffee. “I saw you had your first celebrity on.”

“Ah, yeah,” Jonghyun replied, he’d hoped he could avoid all mention of Taemin if possible. Minho hadn’t even brought up his name yet and somehow, Jonghyun’s heart was getting twisted in his chest. “That was… fun.”

“Taemin is not what I expected,” Minho continued. “Irene was making comments that he was flirting with you the whole show but I told her to stop being ridiculous.”

Jonghyun shifted in his seat. “Yeah,” he laughed awkwardly. “Ridiculous.”

Minho shook his head. “She likes to see what she wants. But, the craziest thing she said was that you were flirting back.”

“No way!” Jonghyun admonished. He was never a good liar, and it was obvious when Minho quirked his eyebrow. “I mean… I’d never flirt with him.”

“He’s cute though,” Minho said, low and slow. “Just your type.”

“I don’t have a type,” Jonghyun waved off with an uncomfortable smile.

“Sure you don’t.” Minho took a long drink of his coffee, staring at Jonghyun over his tiny cup before his eyes zeroed in on a red mark decorating Jonghyun’s neck. “Is that a hickey?”

Oh, Christ. “Wh-what are you talking about, man?” Jonghyun said, slapping his hand over his neck. “You’re seeing things. You’re jet lagged. You have baby brain.”

“No, I’m not seeing things, yes I am a little jet lagged, and baby brain isn’t a thing father’s get.”

“Shut up, Minho.”

“So, who gave you the hickey?”

“You wouldn’t believe me,” Jonghyun said, he had dropped two sugar cubes into his already sweet drink and stirred. He then took a long sip and gagged. Too sweet.

“Try me,” Minho challenged, smirking. “It’s not one Lee Taemin, is it?”

Jonghyun choked on his coffee, spurting his drink over his best friend. He coughed into a napkin and apologised as best he could between breaths. Minho laughed jovially, undeterred by Jonghyun’s disgusting display, and he dabbed at his Italian wool coat carefully with a few napkins. “I’m sorry, Minho,” Jonghyun said when he stopped coughing incessantly.

“Don’t worry about it, hyung.” Minho got up and threw all of the napkins into the nearby bin before returning and grinning. “So, from your reaction, I’ll assume I’m right.”

“You can’t say a thing. We’re just having fun.”

“Just having fun, hyung. Are you sure that’s what you want?” Minho frowned. Jonghyun rolled his eyes.

“Why wouldn’t it be? I’m a grown adult.”

“But you also crave affection more than a puppy does. To be in a relationship that doesn’t revolve around any emotional bond won’t do you any good.”

“What do you know about me?” Jonghyun demanded, raising his voice. He was aware he was being unreasonable but that mysterious message on Taemin’s phone had already gotten a rise out of him.

“Hyung,” Minho said slowly. “I’m concerned.”

“Well, don’t be.” Jonghyun took another sip of his own coffee. Nope, still too sweet. He placed it back and stood up. “I’ll be going now. I have a few errands to attend to.”

“Hyung, don’t be mad at me, I’m just looking out for you,” Minho reasoned, reaching up and tugging on Jonghyun’s coat sleeve.

“I’m not mad, Minho… I just have a lot on my mind right now…” Jonghyun snatched his arm back and walked out of the café. He felt guilty for blowing up at Minho like that but everything had happened so quickly with him and Taemin that his emotions were running out of control. He stopped outside an old music shop and ran a hand through his hair. “What on Earth is wrong with me?”

* * *

Jonghyun was glad he was done with his show that night, he’d been thinking so much about Taemin and that mysterious message that he managed to mess up Wendy’s name twice when announcing her new song: _Ice Cream Cake_. And then, to make it even worse, he accidentally played Taemin’s _Wicked_ when he had meant to play Taeyeon’s _I_.

As he climbed up the stairs to his apartment, he saw Taemin waiting outside his door, fidgeting with Jonghyun’s phone. “Hyung, there you are,” the idol said as Jonghyun approached him. He handed out his phone to him and Jonghyun took it without thanks.

“Yours is inside,” Jonghyun said curtly as he unlocked the door. “Stay here.”

“Oh, okay,” Taemin replied, a little dejected. With no phone to keep his hands occupied he turned to shifting and rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Jonghyun emerged two seconds later with Taemin’s phone. “Thank you!” He smiled with relief and threw his arms around Jonghyun’s neck. Jonghyun didn’t reciprocate. “I nearly lost my mind today,” the idol then said, running his hands through his newly bleached strands. His hair looked soft, curly, and angelic and Jonghyun fought every urge to tangles his fingers in Taemin’s hair.

“Yeah, no problem,” Jonghyun said, leaning up against the doorway. His hand rested on the doorknob, ready to close it. “I’ll be seeing you then. Study hard.”

“Wait,” Taemin pushed forward as Jonghyun tried to close the door, using all of his strength to keep it open. He then leaned across to give Jonghyun a kiss. The elder swerved out of the way and Taemin stumbled forward. “Um…”

“Sorry, I’m not really in the mood,” Jonghyun said.

“Oh, right,” Taemin ran his hands through his hair again, nervously. He looked incredibly embarrassed and crestfallen. “I’ll text you when I’m free again. It’ll be in a couple of weeks though.”

Jonghyun shrugged. “Fine by me. But, don’t go out of your way to contact me if you have better options.”

Taemin paused, his eyes widening. “What are you talking about?”

“Perhaps you should look at your phone.”

Taemin frowned, completely bewildered but follow Jonghyun’s advice. His eyes flickered from Jonghyun’s face to his phone screen. With his hold on the door weakened, Jonghyun slammed the door in Taemin’s face. “Hyung! Hyung! This is a misunderstanding!”

Jonghyun didn’t open the door as he heard the idol bang his fists desperately against it. He waited until Taemin gave up and walked away, his footsteps fading. When Jonghyun was certain he was gone, he slipped to his knees and looked at his phone. It was empty, no messages, and no missed calls. But, Taemin had taken the liberty to change Jonghyun’s background. He had replaced a generic photo of a white moon with a selfie he had taken during the day, his thumb and forefinger shaping a heart. Jonghyun smiled sadly.

Taemin was always full of surprises.

* * *

Taemin had tried contacting him several times of the course of the week since their fight. He explained the situation as a simple misunderstanding – that the message came from an old friend who was under the impression that Taemin was dating an old girlfriend (he, of course, wasn’t) but Jonghyun wasn’t convinced.

When Taemin’s attempt at an explanation, he then tried to set up a day where the two of them could just be together, maybe go to karaoke or to an arcade. Jonghyun declined both, saying it would be a problem if he was caught by Dispatch.

The seventh day since their fought brought a knock on Jonghyun’s door at around 4am. The DJ was still awake, working on a sad poem about the moon and a cloudy sky. He had slightly expected to see Taemin at the door, but what he hadn’t expected was to see Taemin stood at the door with the biggest bouquet of flowers Jonghyun had ever seen.

“You weren’t answering my messages and my manager got mad at me because I was failing Japanese…” Taemin shoved the flowers into Jonghyun’s arms. “I miss you.”

Jonghyun smiled at the roses and carnations and chrysanthemums fondly. “I just…” Jonghyun began to explain, feeling guiltier than he ever felt before. “I feel like what you want and what I want are different.”

“Tell me what you want, hyung,” Taemin pleaded.

“You won’t be able to give me what I want, Taemin-ah,” Jonghyun said sadly. He stroked a rose petal gently.

“I can try, give me a chance,” Taemin bargained.

“Taemin, I want stability. I want someone who will be here for me and someone I can dote on in return. I… Like the time I spend with you. The sex is really good but you know, my favourite time is when we’re just lying in bed talking.”

Taemin bit his lip. “That’s my favourite time too, hyung. I can’t give you stability, at least not right now. But, I’m willing to be here if you need me.”

“Taemin, don’t… you won’t be able to do it. You have too much on your plate. Maybe it’s best we just forget this ever happened.”

“I don’t want to,” Taemin said, scratching at his arm. “Being with you is when I’m free to be myself. Just give me a chance; I can be a good boyfriend to you.”

Jonghyun looked off to the side, trying to find reason. “One month.” Taemin brightened. “But, I can’t force my feelings for you, so if I feel like this is a waste of your time, I will end it. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Taemin took one of Jonghyun’s hands. “You’d hurt me more by not giving me this chance.”

Jonghyun shook his head. “Do you want to come in?”

Taemin grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the comments and kudos! don't forget to leave me some feedback about how you're liking the story progression <3
> 
> you can follow me!  
> twitter: @jjong_bluemoon


	8. Chapter 8

It was late morning when Taemin finally left Jonghyun’s apartment. Seeing as he hadn’t planned to stay over, he had no spare clothes to change with and he knew his manager would get suspicious if he was caught in the same clothing over and over again.

“Twice he can let go, but a third time seems suspicious, hyung,” Taemin explained as he pulled one of Jonghyun’s long sleeved shirts over his head. “I think your jeans are bit too short for me.”

“Ha ha, just wear your own pair then,” Jonghyun griped, snatching back the pair of ripped jeans Taemin had pulled from his wardrobe. Taemin stuck his tongue out at the elder as he pulled his own pair of jeans over a pair of boxers he had also borrowed from Jonghyun. “What time is your manager picking you up?”

“In about half an hour. I told him to meet me near the library so he doesn’t suspect anything.”

“And you’ll be able to get there without being mobbed?” Jonghyun said, falling back onto his bed. Taemin laughed.

“I hope so.” The idol pulled on one of Jonghyun’s favourite baseball caps and tucked his face mask behind his ears. “Who am i?”

Jonghyun peered over at him and laughed. “No idea. BoA?”

“BoA’s a woman, hyung! I have a very manly body,” Taemin reasoned, flexing his newly toned muscles and Jonghyun just laughed harder. “I do!”

“Come on, let’s get you to the library,” Jonghyun said, changing the subject. He climbed off the bed and threw on a light jacket – the temperature was getting warmer now that mid-February had arrived. Jonghyun wasn’t a fan of spring but he did enjoy being able to watch the sunsets later in the day.

“Hyung, do you know what’s special about Tuesday?” Taemin asked as the two walked out of the apartment. He bounced on the balls of his feet, anticipating Jonghyun’s answer.

The DJ turned silent for a few minutes. “Um…”

“It’s Valentine’s Day!”

Jonghyun laughed awkwardly. “Right… But, we’re not going to celebrate that.”

“Why not?” Taemin asked, pouting. “We’re in a relationship.”

Jonghyun nodded, humming in agreement. Taemin slipped his hand into Jonghyun’s as they walked down the stairs. “We are, but… I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day if I’m honest.”

“That’s because you’ve been single for so long, hyung. It’s fun to celebrate when you’re in a partnership. Let’s do something fun, just you and me.”

Jonghyun sighed, Taemin wasn’t going to let this go. “If I have time. I have class during the day and Blue Night in the evening.”

“But you have time between classes and Blue Night, right?” Taemin loosened his grip on Jonghyun’s hand as they reached the door distancing them from the outside world. Jonghyun then dropped Taemin’s hand as they walked outside.

“I do, yes,” Jonghyun said.

“Good, come meet me at the dance studio and we can hang out in my dorm.”

Jonghyun stopped walking and stared at Taemin incredulously. “You’re joking. Say you’re joking.”

“No.” Taemin blinked. “Did you want to do something else?”

“Anything but that,” Jonghyun said. “Anything!”

Taemin scratched at the nape of his neck, where his hair had been freshly cut to minimise the damage from the bleach. “Um, then what do you want to do?”

“How about we go eat ramen? I know a really good place not too far from here.”

Taemin visibly brightened, his pretty lips widening into a big smile. “That sounds so good! Let’s do that instead. You meet me at the dance studio and then we can go to the ramen place and then we can hang out before you’re on air for Blue Night.”

Jonghyun reciprocated Taemin’s grin and bit at his lower lip. “Well, this is the library,” Jonghyun said as they approached the giant stone building. “It’s about three hundred years old.”

“Wow, that’s pretty awesome,” Taemin mumbled, craning upwards to get a big look at the building. Taemin pulled out his phone, ready to take a selfie before pulling Jonghyun in next to him. “Let’s take a photo here together.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to remember every moment with you,” Taemin explained honestly. Jonghyun’s cheeks began to heat up but he didn’t move away. Taemin took a few pictures at different angles and with Jonghyun pulling as many faces as he could. “That’s so cute!” He exclaimed when running through them. He selected one and made it his background.

“Won’t you get into trouble for that?”

“No,” Taemin said. “And even if I do, I’ll just say we’re friends. Look, there’s my manager!”

A tall man climbed out a silver car and walked over to Taemin scowling. “Taemin-ah, if you have time to meet up with friends, you have time to practise your Japanese. Get in the car.”

“See you, Jonghyun-hyung,” Taemin said, bowing to his boyfriend. Jonghyun returned the gesture, waving Taemin off as he climbed into the back seat of the car, his face obscured by the tinted windows.

* * *

“I’m not romantic at all!” Jonghyun lamented when he got into work later that day. Jinki was in the staffroom, stirring two cups of coffee as usual. “What the hell am I supposed to do!?”

Jinki watched as Jonghyun slumped onto the sofa and groaned loudly and obnoxiously. “Something come up?”

“Taemin wants to celebrate Valentine’s Day but… I don’t know what to do in this situation.”

“Have you never celebrated Valentine’s Day before?” Jinki asked.

“No! All of my previous boyfriends just didn’t care. Taemin’s the first to give a damn.”

Jinki frowned, scrunching his nose up in an adorable way that made him look like a confused rabbit. “Well, if you want some help, Kibum and I are celebrating at the weekend. We’re going to karaoke.”

“I thought Kibum was busy with his musical,” Jonghyun asked, looking over the back of the sofa. Jinki nodded his head and brought over the two cups of coffee, handing one to Jonghyun.

“He is, so we’ve designated a day where we can both go. Sunday morning. Want to join?”

“Who goes to karaoke on a Sunday morning?” Jonghyun scoffed. “No thanks, I think I’ll pass. I’ll just do ramen with Taemin and then be labelled as the world’s worst boyfriend.”

“You know, I don’t know Taemin personally but I have followed a lot of his interviews since you started seeing him… He thinks very highly of you.”

“He does?” Jonghyun asked, sipping the coffee and gagging. “It’s so strong, hyung!”

“Don’t drink it then, yeesh!” Jinki scolded, putting his own mug down – he didn’t even dare try it. He pulled out his phone and flicked through a few videos before landing on a clip from a variety show. Taemin was smiling in the thumbnail, beaming actually, as if he were glowing from the inside. “Listen to what he says when he’s asked what his ideal type is.”

“So, Taemin-ah, I’m sure a lot of fans want to know about your ideal type? Do you like women who drink a lot or is that a turn off for you?” One of the hosts asked and Taemin blinked nervously between him and the cameras.

“It’s a turn off… I don’t like heavy drinkers, honestly. I’m not a fan of alcohol myself… I prefer someone like Jonghyun-ssi from Blue Night. A girl who is wise but isn’t afraid to voice their opinions on controversial subjects. Someone who can just be themselves and not care what people think.”

“But, Jonghyun-ah is a man. Are you saying if you found a girl just like him that would be your ideal type?”

“That’s what I said,” Taemin replied, bring his hand up to hide his mouth as he laughed nervously.

The clip ended after the audience screamed at Taemin’s display of cuteness and Jonghyun stared at the boy on Jinki’s phone in disbelief. “Wh-what the…”

“He’s liked for you a while… I think you just being you and do what you want to do with him will be enough for him. But, I mean, I’m no love guru or anything,” Jinki joked. “Are you going to drink that?” He nodded at the untouched coffee in Jonghyun’s hands.

“No, take it Yunho.”

“Thank you,” Jinki said, snatching the cup back and running out of the staffroom. Jonghyun leaned back against the sofa and sighed.

“He’s liked me for a while, huh?”

Somehow, that didn’t alleviate any of the pressure on Jonghyun’s shoulders.

* * *

Valentine’s Day came around a lot quicker than Jonghyun expected it to and before he realised what he was doing, he was stood outside Taemin’s dance studio, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Judging from the looks a few passers-by were giving him, he was failing.

The door to the studio opened and Taemin poked his little blond head out. “Hyung, come inside, its cold today.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Jonghyun dismissed.

“I’m going to be a little while longer. Come in, please.”

Jonghyun sighed and followed Taemin into the studio. The younger skipped towards the large room at the end of the hallway. Besides him and Taemin there stood a man at the end of the hall, a dance instructor. “Taemin, is this Jonghyun-ssi from Blue Night?”

“He is!” Taemin answered excitedly.

The dance instructor smiled at Jonghyun as he took a seat out of the way. “Why don’t we show him the dance you’ve been learning for your new single?”

“Sure,” Taemin agreed, looking over at Jonghyun. “It isn’t finalised yet so it might be rough, but, please be kind.”

Jonghyun agreed; his heart racing in excitement at being the first to see this dance. He didn’t even know Taemin was getting ready to make a comeback. The music started up and Jonghyun immediately got into the beat of the song with the jazzy trumpet tones at the start.

However, as enticing as the song was, nothing caught Jonghyun’s eyes more than Taemin’s evolution from excitable twenty-two year old to serious professional. His eyes were trained on himself and his movements were fluid and precise, as if he had been born to perform to this song. He could hear Taemin try and sing along to the words as he dance continued.

“ _I may always seem pretty, I may always seem good_ ,” the CD player sang out with Taemin’s perfect intonation. “ _I may seem nice, I may seem soft, but that’s all a part of your imagination that’s over my head_.”

“ _Pretty boy_ ,” Taemin interjected, thrusting himself forward at the beat. Jonghyun didn’t realise his mouth was wide open in surprise until the dance ended and Taemin walked over to him, curling his fingers under Jonghyun’s chin and closing his mouth for him. “Did you like that?”

“You’re so sexy,” Jonghyun whispered, hoping that his dance instructor wouldn’t hear.

 Taemin laughed lowly in his throat. “Mmm, I can show you a few of those moves later if you want.”

“Let’s get some ramen first,” Jonghyun said, swallowing thickly as the images began to play in his mind like a reel of film. He stood up immediately as Taemin grabbed a sports bag.

“I’m just going to get changed out these clothes and then we’ll go. Thanks for today, hyung!” He called over his shoulder the dance teacher who waved him off with a knowing smile. “You don’t have to worry about Eunhyuk-hyung, he knows I’m gay.”

Jonghyun stared over his shoulder. “Huh.”

“He also knows we’re dating,” Taemin then informed his boyfriend before slipping into the changing rooms.

* * *

After their ramen, the two found a secluded spot to kiss each other, away from prying eyes. Jonghyun had his arms wrapped around Taemin’s back, bringing him closer and Taemin had used his hold on Jonghyun to pull him in tighter, gripping onto Jonghyun’s silver hair tightly.

“That song you were dancing to,” Jonghyun whispered between kisses. “Is that something you feel is true to you?”

“I picked it for a reason,” Taemin explained. “It’s called _Pretty Boy_ and one of my friends actually helped me by rapping in the song.”

“Do you think people think that stuff of you?”

“Don’t you?” Taemin then asked, turning the question back onto Jonghyun.

“I think there are many sides to you, Taemin-ah, and I want to discover all of them.”

Taemin grinned, his smile only visible in the passing streetlights. “I want you to discover all of them, too.” He moved in closer, feathering his lips gently over Jonghyun’s before pressing in to kiss him again. “I want to know everything about you.”

Jonghyun sighed into the kiss and he wished that this moment could never end, being there in the darkness with Taemin in his arms felt surreal yet completely perfect. All the planets had aligned in the sky and destiny had found them together.

“I have to go,” Taemin the said, breaking the kiss. “My manager’s going to be looking for me everywhere.”

“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Jonghyun whined. “When will I see you again?”

“I don’t know, hyung, I’m going to busy with my repackage and my Japanese and everything else… I’ll text you, okay?”

“Okay,” Jonghyun said as the idol pulled away, taking his hands into his own. “Take care.”

“You too, hyung.” Taemin looked as if he wanted to say something else, as if there was another thought on his mind but instead he kissed Jonghyun’s fingers and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave some feedback if you're enjoying this fic!
> 
> follow me!  
> twitter: @jjong_bluemoon


	9. Chapter 9

Taemin wasn’t joking when he said he didn’t know when the next chance he’d get to see Jonghyun would be. They exchanged messages frequently but before they both realised it, a month had flown by and neither of them had seen each other physically since Valentine’s Day.

“ _White Day’s coming up soon…_ ” Taemin texted one night. Jonghyun had just gotten in from Blue Night and was sat in his study going over his haiku for his creative writing class. “ _What do you want to do?_ ”

“ _Well, since Valentine’s Day was my treat, it’s up to you_ ,” Jonghyun texted back with a smile.

“ _Hyung! Don’t be like this_ (pouting emoji face). _Tell me what you want_.”

“ _Honestly? You_.”

“ _Hyung_!” Taemin began to text in fragmented messages, something he only did when he was embarrassed. “ _I don’t know. I don’t know what you like. What do you like? Do you want ramen again? Should we…_ ”

“ _Taemin-ah, chill._ ” Jonghyun text back, breaking up Taemin’s frequent intermissions. “ _I’ll be happy as long as I’m with you_.”

Taemin didn’t respond back for a long time. Jonghyun left his phone to the side and turned back to his haiku. A couple of hours passed and it was hitting close to 5 in the morning. Jonghyun decided now would be a good time to get some rest, and Taemin still hadn’t responded. With a shrug, Jonghyun climbed into his bed, and fell fast asleep.

“ _I’m always happy when I’m with you, hyung_ ,” Taemin finally texted back at 6am.

* * *

Taemin’s plan was to order Thai food from a nearby restaurant and sneak Jonghyun into his dorm. They’d been dating for over a month at this point and most of their conversations had been plans to things to do when they had free time together. Jonghyun was a basic, simple guy, he liked being at home with his date, watching a movie and eating greasy food. Taemin was a little flashier, and he almost booked a table at a high end restaurant but went against it considering his social status.

“The good thing about you being here is I get to lend you my clothes this time,” Taemin giggled as he pulled Jonghyun into his empty dorm room. The apartment was pretty bare; a large TV sat in one corner of the room, opposite a pristine white sofa. Above the sofa was am abstract painting of Taemin with two dogs, one snowy white and the other a chocolate brown.

“You don’t live here much, do you?” Jonghyun commented as he shucked his shoes off and hung his coat up.

“Not really… I tend to visit my parents more often than not. My manager hates it when I do that but I get homesick. It’s not the same debuting as a solo artist compared to a band, at least when you’re in a band you have people to live with…” Taemin trailed off sadly. “It gets a bit lonely.”

Jonghyun’s heart melted and he walked up to the idol to pull him into a back-hug. He pressed his chin into the crook of Taemin’s neck and breathed in the idol’s scent. Jonghyun had gotten used to Taemin’s smell, earthy and clean, especially since it was embedded in nearly every inch of his own apartment, including his bed.

“The food will be here soon; do you want to put a movie on?” Taemin then asked, turning around in Jonghyun’s arms. He wrapped his own around the elder’s neck and pressed a kiss to his round nose.

“Mmm, I’d rather stay here with you.”

“You’re a lot clingier than I remember, hyung,” Taemin teased.

“Are you complaining?” Jonghyun asked, raising a brow.

“Not at all. I like it!” Taemin grinned. “It makes me feel like we’re in a real relationship now.”

Jonghyun laughed breathily. “Let’s go sit down and watch a movie.”

The night continued perfectly from then on. The food arrived a few moments later and the two sat in comfortable silence, eating everything Taemin had ordered (which was a lot more than Jonghyun had anticipated, wasn’t Taemin on a diet?) and watching cheesy imported movies that Taemin found to be garish but entertaining. Morning began to creep over the horizon, the two having fallen asleep on the sofa in front of the TV at around 5am.

A loud banging on Taemin’s front door brought them both back to reality and Taemin checked his phone in panic. “Shit, it’s 8. That’s my manager! You need to hide!”

“Hide where?” Jonghyun asked, picking up his phone and shoes from the alcove. Taemin shoved him into a closet and held a finger to his lips, begging Jonghyun to keep quiet. The door closed and Jonghyun was engulfed in darkness.

He heard Taemin open the front door and greet his manager tiredly. “Morning, hyung!”

“Taemin, you have Japanese in an hour and you’re still wearing the same clothes as yesterday… Did you even sleep?”

“Mmm, no, I don’t think so…”

“What is that?” His manager asked and Jonghyun could hear the clicking of heeled shoes walk on solid wood floor. It sounded like Taemin’s manager was inside the living area. “Have you been eating fast food again?”

“Hyung, I was hungry…”

“You know what all this salt and fat will do to you!” His manager scoffed. “That coat isn’t yours… Where did that come from?”

Jonghyun felt his heart leap into his throat. Oops. “No, that’s mine, hyung. I borrowed it from my brother, remember?”

“I don’t think so…” Jonghyun listened carefully, keeping his breath to a quiet minimum, as Taemin’s manager scoured over the area. “Taemin, answer me honestly. Are you dating someone?”

“Hyung. No.”

“Good, you know what would happen to your contract if you were,” his manager said. “Go get a shower and get dressed. I’ll be waiting in the car. You have half an hour.”

“Yes, hyung.” Jonghyun heard the clicking fade away and then Taemin closed the door. He had known that dating as an idol was dangerous for their public image, but he had no idea that at this moment in time, he was costing Taemin his career. The door swung open and Taemin smiled down at him. “You can come out now. I’ll send you a message and give you the all clear when we drive away. I need to shower.”

“Yeah, so do I…” Jonghyun trailed off, leaving the small closet and stretching his back.

Taemin smiled mischievously. “Let’s go take one together then.”

“Taemin, you have only half an hour…”

“So, let’s just not be naughty.”

Jonghyun scoffed, he knew that was more than impossible, especially with Taemin around.

* * *

Jonghyun didn’t hear from Taemin for a full week after nearly being caught by his manager. Perhaps he was keeping contact with him on the down low to avoid suspicion or perhaps his manager’s words had gotten to him and he decided that being in a romantic relationship with Jonghyun was dangerous.

Another week passed and Jonghyun found himself sitting on the rooftop of his apartment, sipping a bottle of beer and staring at over the night sky. The glow of the city was laid out before him and cursed the world for being so happy whilst he was stuck in one of the most miserable situations.

“Knock knock,” Jinki called out, walking out onto the rooftop.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” Jonghyun asked, looking over his shoulder.

“I’m not alone,” Jinki said, holding the fire exit door open. Kibum and Minho walked in both holding a crate of beer each. “We wanted to come support you; we figured you’d need it after today.”

“What do you mean?” Jonghyun asked, frowning.

The three stopped short and stared at each other. “You don’t know?” Minho questioned. “Hyung… It’s all over the news.”

“Taemin’s been caught in a dating scandal,” Kibum said decisively.

Jonghyun felt like his whole world was tilting sideways, gravity no longer working in his favour. He collapsed against the metal railing on the roof and dropped his bottle of beer. “W-with who?”

“Some singer called Krystal Jung,” Kibum said. “I’ve met her before, she’s not all that.”

“Come away from the railing, hyung,” Minho said, taking his best friend by the arm gently and leading him away from the edge. Jonghyun collapsed near the fire exit and began to cry. “Hyung…” Minho sat beside him and opened one of the crates of beer. He popped the tops off and handed one over to Jonghyun.

“He wasn’t worth your time, Jonghyun-hyung,” Kibum said, sipping on his own beer.

“No,” Jonghyun sobbed. “No… He was… I just don’t think I was worth the trouble.”

“It makes no sense, though,” Jinki said. “Most idols aren’t allowed to date within the first two years of debut yet here he is.”

“Something’s afoot,” Kibum continued. Minho agreed.

Amongst the conversation, Jonghyun’s phone began to ring. Steadily, he climbed to his feet, Minho watching him carefully, and pulled it out. Taemin’s name flashed across the screen and he felt the tightest grip on his heart. “It’s Taemin…”

“Don’t answer it, hyung,” Kibum suggested, taking another swig. “Let him know what he’s lost.”

“No, I think you should answer, he might have an explanation…” Jinki said. “I’m just hoping,” he added when Kibum shot him an incredulous look.

Jonghyun took Jinki’s advice and answered. “Taemin?”

“Hyung, I’m glad you picked up,” Taemin said on the other line, his voice was gravelly and rough. He sniffed. “I need to talk to you.”

“Is this about Krystal?”

“Ah, you’ve seen it… I want to say I’m sorry… For using you mainly…” Taemin’s voice wavered and he sniffed again. “I… Never truly cared about you. You were just an experiment.”

“Taemin, you don’t mean that…”

“It’s true, hyung. I want you to know that those times I spent with you, and every word I said. I didn’t mean them. I was only just pretending.”

“You’re lying!”

“I’m not lying to you, hyung. I never liked you. I never wanted to like you. I’m sorry it had to end this way. Goodbye.”

“Taemin, don’t you dare hang up-“ The line went dead and Jonghyun went cold. His whole world flipped over, a complete 180. He fell to his knees, and began to cry silently.

Nothing about this felt right at all, everything felt so contrived and rehearsed. Taemin would never say those things without prompt… unless he actually did mean every word.

Jonghyun stared at his phone, the photo of Taemin with that stupid smile and his fingers shaping a cute heart. No one who did that would say those things just to end a relationship,

“Hyung,” Minho came up behind him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Hyung, I’m so sorry…”

“You were all right,” Jonghyun sobbed. “I never should’ve done this.”

“It’s okay, hyung, we all make mistakes.” Minho pressed his chin onto the top of Jonghyun’s head and rocked him back and forth. “You don’t deserve this.”

“He’s right, Jonghyun,” Jinki said, moving over and holding onto Jonghyun from the other side. “What he did was cruel and unfair and you are too good of a person to have this happen to you.”

“I think it’s suspicious and I think he’s lying,” Kibum said, walked over to the other three. “You have to make him see what he’s missing without you.”

“Kibum, that’s not the best idea. I’m sure Taemin is hurting just as much as Jonghyun right now.”

Kibum rolled his eyes. “So what if he is? Taemin’s the one who ended it like that, he deserves to be put in his place.”

“Jinki-hyung’s right, it won’t work how you think it will, Kibum-ah.”

Kibum shrugged his shoulders. “We won’t know unless we try.”

“I don’t want to do it,” Jonghyun said. “I just want to go to bed.”

His friends help Jonghyun to his feet and helped into his apartment. Jinki made Jonghyun a cup of hot milk whilst Minho changed Jonghyun’s bedsheets (“To get rid of the Taemin smell… I read that’s what you do after a bad break-up.”) Kibum tidied up the apartment, making sure that everything was neat and in order.

“We’re going now, hyung,” Minho said as Jonghyun climbed into bed wearing just his boxers. “Sleep well. If you need us, you know we’re just a phone call away.”

“Thanks you guys,” Jonghyun murmured as he began to doze off. For the first time in a long time, Jonghyun became immersed in a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry!


	10. Chapter 10

Winter had melted completely into spring, and April rolled around quicker than Jonghyun would’ve preferred. He spent his birthday with Jinki and Kibum, following them around Gangnam as they went to different clubs, buying Jonghyun plenty of drinks, before ending the night at a karaoke bar. The night had gone well until karaoke. As soon as they entered the building, the bar was playing Taemin’s latest comeback, _Pretty Boy_ , loudly and Jonghyun was inconsolable for the rest of the night.

April swept by and May, June, and July emerged, like the glittering sun peeking over the horizon. Jonghyun hated the summer more than anything but at least at this point, Taemin had stopped promoting and pretty much disappeared from Jonghyun’s TV and radio life. He avoided Taemin’s music as much as he could until a listener requested it as a present to their friend.

July desiccated and in its stead came August, September, October. Jonghyun preferred autumn as it began to grow colder and the sun would set earlier and earlier each day. He could feel the winter around the corner. However, just as the leaves began to change colour and fall from the trees, crisping under Jonghyun’s foot, Taemin took on a new life in his music career.

He announced a new comeback, so soon, and had changed his entire appearance. His hair was a sandy blond and cut irregularly. Jonghyun swore he could see him around Seoul when he took walks by himself to admire all that autumn had to give him. But as he got closer to the mirage, he discovered it was just a figment of his imagination.

The middle of October brought Taemin’s comeback and Jonghyun watched the video, his heart feeling less tense and constricted than it had back in March. Taemin looked different, he’d always been edgy in his appearance, but everything about the video was unusual to Jonghyun. The song was also highly suggestive and it made Jonghyun wonder about the inspiration behind the lyrics.

“I was thinking,” Seulgi said the day after Taemin’s new song had been released. “How about we have Taemin back on the show.”

“No,” Jinki dismissed immediately. Seulgi looked over her shoulder at the engineer.

“I wasn’t asking you, Mr Lee.”

Jinki skulked away, embarrassed. Jonghyun could almost see the tail between his legs. “I don’t think it would be a good idea, either,” he then said to Seulgi. Her shoulders dropped and she pouted.

“But, Jonghyun, this is a good chance to get our ratings up! He loves our show.”

“I don’t think he does anymore,” Jonghyun blurted out.

“How do you know that?” Seulgi asked, raising a brow. Joy came up behind her with a coffee in a Styrofoam cup.

“Have you guys seen Taemin’s latest Music Bank performance? They’re saying he burst out crying during the middle of his second song,” she said, pushing Jinki aside to get to his computer. Jonghyun watched from the doorway of the sound booth as Joy pulled up a fan-filmed video.

“ _Well, how have you been, after you left me… the day after you left me. Oh_ ,” Taemin sang shakily. His eyes were watery and glistening underneath all of the studio lights. It looked like he had the universe hidden within his irises. “ _Everything I got from you, all of it was false, it all became false_.”

Jonghyun watched, his eyes widening as he heard Taemin’s voice catch in his throat. He could feel Jinki’s eyes watch him carefully as the performance continued.

“ _You came to me like a dream, you were like a warm breath to me. You didn’t have a reason, you were always like that back then_.”

“What is going on?” Seulgi asked. “I thought he was dating Krystal Jung, why is he getting choked up over a break up song?”

“Well, people are speculating they’ve broken up,” Joy said, pausing the video. The camera had zoomed up onto Taemin’s face and Jonghyun could see the dark circles hidden beneath a mountain of concealer and foundation. His eyes looked desperate and longing, as if he were looking at Jonghyun directly.

“I haven’t heard anything about that,” Seulgi said, tapping a pen to her lips. “Keep playing, when does he cry?”

“When he sings the chorus,” Joy said.

“ _How have you been? It’s like how I was before. I’m fine… I’m already… Already_ …” Taemin’s bottom lip quivered and a tear began to fall. “ _You’re doing well without me… you, are back to how it’s before you knew me already… Already._ ” He lost his voice completely on the last word and he sobbed loudly, dropping the microphone and collapsing to his knees.

Jonghyun felt a pull in him, to get to Taemin, to wrap his arms around his skinny frame (was he on an even stricter diet now?) and never let him go.

“That’s enough,” Jinki then said, pushing Joy out of the way and switching the rest of the video.

“He doesn’t even finish the song,” Joy continued. “He just leaves the stage and they go straight to a long commercial. It’s all so strange.” Joy now pulled up her phone. “Twitter is going crazy, they all think it’s Krystal related and some are sending him really hateful messages.”

“That’s not fair, he’s only human,” Seulgi sighed.

“That’s the thing, he said during an interview when he debuted that it takes a lot to make him cry. He didn’t even cry when he broke up with his girlfriend to become an idol.”

Seulgi shrugged her shoulders. “It’s none of our business. But we do have one hour until Blue Night so let’s run over today’s program. Jonghyun, I wouldn’t play any of Taemin’s songs tonight, it could lead to disastrous results.”

“Agreed,” Jonghyun said, nodding once. His mind began to wander as Seulgi ran through the list, and he stared at Jinki’s monitor where Taemin’s face had been. He wondered if Taemin was trying to send a message to him.

* * *

“Hello and welcome to Blue Night. I am Jonghyun and I want to thank you for joining me in this space,” Jonghyun said into the microphone. His heart had been flipped in his chest since Joy pulled up Taemin’s performance, and it seemed in his chatroom, listeners were also concerned. “I have to admit, I love how dark it’s getting now - it feels like winter is so close that I can already feel the cold wind and the snow against my skin. I’m the kind of person who rotates their clothes each season and I hate putting my winter clothes away so I look forward to getting them out soon.”

He continued for a long time, talking about autumn and winter, ignoring the comments from listeners about Taemin and his performance earlier today. It wasn’t a great start to a comeback performance, that much was for sure.

“My best friend recently had a baby girl named Jinri, she was born last month and she’s quite the sight. She definitely takes after her father,” he chuckled deeply. “I wonder sometimes how I would be as a father… But, right now I’m content being here with you and the moon under this blue night. I think a good song to match today’s mood would Taeyeon’s _I’m Fine_. Please listen well.”

He sighed deeply as the music began to play, and his mind drifted towards Taemin’s desperate look in his eyes before he burst into tears. He knew Taemin for a while, and he knew that being an idol had been his dream for so long. It didn’t match up, Taemin broke up with him, not the other way around so why was he acting like this? Why did he look like he hadn’t been sleeping since March?

When the song ended, Seulgi patched through a live caller to Jonghyun. “I love that song a lot; I play it when I go home, when I can watch the night sky above me. Before I play my next song, I shall take some calls. Hello, this is Blue Night, you are live on the air.”

“Jonghyun-ssi,” A familiar voice erupted through the speakers and Jonghyun’s body froze. “My name is Taem- Taesun and I have a question.”

“O-of course, Taesun-ssi, ask away.” The comments began to blow up, people speculating that the voice belonged to Taemin and Jonghyun agreed. He heard that voice in his dreams so many times, replaying that awful conversation, it would be hard to not recognise.

“My friend recently ended a good relationship with his girlfriend… and, it’s been a few months since they ended it and he’s been an… utter mess,” Taesun said, sighing heavily. His voice was shaky, as if he’d been crying. “He wants to know how to get over a break-up with someone he’s been in love with for nearly 3 years.”

Jonghyun took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, puffing his cheeks. “It’s hard to give advice on this… When I went through a bad break-up, my friends were there to help me. Getting rid of pictures and any memorabilia you have of that person, that keeps memories alive, is a good way to start. Planning a fresh new routine helps too. I changed my bedsheets and emptied old food out of my freezer and bought more fruits and vegetables.” He hadn’t changed the picture on his phone though.

“He’s tried all that but he’s finding it hard to get over it. He’s never really been in a relationship where he was just completely smitten with the other person before.”

“It’s hard, I know… I hear dating other people helps. Even if it’s not for a relationship, it can help get the other person out of your mind.”

There was a hitch in the caller’s throat. “D-do… You do… that?”

Jonghyun chuckled lowly. “No, I don’t like dating that much. I only date when I feel like I’m ready to make a commitment.”

There was a heavy sigh. “That’s good… I mean! For you!”

“I’m not like most people though… I hope your friend will be okay. Just support them as best as you can.”

“I will… Thank you, Jonghyun-hyung…”

Jonghyun gaped… He knew it was Taemin all along.

“I mean Jonghyun-ssi! Ah damn… I have to go, goodnight!”

The caller hung up immediately and Jonghyun cut to Wendy’s new song, _Dumb Dumb_ without introduction.

* * *

The rest of the show went back to normal after the song and Jonghyun was relieved to be finished. He was sat on the train home, staring out in the blackness from the window. The train began to slow as it approached its next station; it was the station before his stop. Without thinking, he got up from the seat and got off the train. He knew there was a crossover that would take Jonghyun to SM’s dance studio.

He crossed over to the train that would take him to the recording studio – he knew it wouldn’t be open this late at night, nearly 3am, but he wanted to see it anyway. He walked along the empty street and saw that it was open. He walked inside and stopped in the reception.

“Are you here to see someone?” The night receptionist asked. “We don’t get visitors at this time of night.”

“Is there anyone here right now?” Jonghyun asked.

 “I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say…” The receptionist said.

Jonghyun scuffed at the linoleum floor. “Do you know when Lee Taemin will be here again?”

“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say,” she said again and Jonghyun sighed. “If you do not have permission to be here, I must ask you to leave.”

“Yeah, I know.” He turned to walk out the door. Then from behind, he heard the wooden doors swing open and muffled music blared from somewhere in the background. Jonghyun looked over his shoulders.

“Hyung…” Stood at the mouth of the entrance, one earbud tucked into an ear, the other in his hand, with his mouth wide open was Taemin.


	11. Chapter 11

****They sat on the roof of the studio, a private spot for Taemin when he was having a hard time. They sipped on bottles of coke that Taemin had brought to the studio with him.

“How did you find this place?” Jonghyun asked, looking over the city. He could see his apartment from here.

“I needed a place to hide and cry when I was getting ready to debut… I found the stairs by accident and I just always came here at night when I needed to be alone.” Taemin stared at the ground as he spoke. He was hanging over the edge, his feet dangling over the streets, arms resting on the metal fencing that grew out from the brickwork.

“Have you been up here often?” Jonghyun joined him, swinging his legs through the fencing. His stomach knotted at the feeling of nothing against his feet to hold him down but when he looked up at the sky, he felt his heart swell. The moon curved against a dark cloud and poked out, smiling at them.

“Yeah… Over the past few months.”

“Taemin, what happened?”

Taemin sighed and looked at Jonghyun. “My manager figured it out. I tried to hide it but… he’s smarter than me.”

“How?”

“He recognised your coat and then he noticed the photo on my phone…” Taemin pulled his mobile out. He hadn’t changed the background either. Jonghyun stared at his own smiling face, pressed close against Taemin’s, and allowed himself to smile. “I didn’t know what to do. He gave me an ultimatum, he told me I pretend to date Krystal and dump you or I lose my life as an idol.”

“You…” Jonghyun swallowed thickly. “You made the right choice.”

“I hurt you so much,” Taemin cried. “I didn’t stop listening to your radio show, not once. You sounded so sad and you never played any of my music and then… that one time you did, it sounded like you’d been crying.”

“I-“

“Hyung, I was awful to you.”

“You were, but I forgive you,” Jonghyun said, sipping on his coke.

“But… why?”

“Because I watched your _Already_ performance. You’ve been through enough pain, I don’t want to prolong it.”

Taemin began to cry, hiding his face in the sleeve of his sports jacket. “I don’t deserve you, hyung.”

Jonghyun laughed and wrapped an arm around Taemin and pulled him closer. He smelled sweet, like artificial strawberry shampoo, and salty from his dancing. “No, you probably don’t… That’s what Kibum would say at least… But, I think we deserve each other. We work well.”

Taemin looked up with glittering eyes, reflecting the starlight above them. “I love you, hyung. I’ve loved you since the first time I heard your voice on Blue Night. You were so open, so honest and I fell for you instantly.”

Jonghyun smiled. “I’m glad you finally said it to me.”

Taemin laughed and wiped away some stray tears. “You’ve probably gotten over me now, haven’t you?”

“Are you mad?” Jonghyun scoffed. “One does not simply get over Lee Taemin when you get a chance to be with him.”

Taemin chuckled again and took a long swig of soda. “You’re such a good guy. I know I made the right choice by falling in love with you.”

Jonghyun leant over and brushed away Taemin’s hair from his forehead. “You know, when I saw your hair swept back like this in that music video, I was blown away. I didn’t think you could get any prettier.” Taemin blinked up at him, feeling Jonghyun’s warm breath against his cheeks. They were mere millimetres apart and Taemin’s lips parted in anticipation. Jonghyun dipped forward and pressed his lips against Taemin’s. A hand snaked around Taemin’s neck and pushed him in further. A bottle smashed on the tarmac of the roof as Taemin wrapped both arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders to pull him closer.

“You still take my breath away when you kiss me,” Taemin gasped when they pulled apart.

“You always took my breath away,” Jonghyun whispered against Taemin’s lips before pressing back.

A noncommittal noise came from Taemin’s throat and before Jonghyun could process it, they were in Taemin’s dorm room. Taemin pressed the DJ into the mattress, straddling his hips, as the idol began to slowly strip his coat off.

“I’m not letting you go until morning,” Taemin promised before dipping down and kissing Jonghyun again, slowly, sensually until every nerve in Jonghyun’s body craved more.

And true to his word, Jonghyun stayed until morning.

* * *

“To make this work, we need to lay down some rules,” Jonghyun said the next morning. “You have Inkigayo in a bit don’t you?”

Taemin nodded as he spooned cereal into his mouth. “My manager will be here in a few hours so you have time to get away.”

“I don’t want to sneak around,” Jonghyun then said. “Rule one.”

“But…”

“Until you move out of this dorm room, we’ll just have to go to my apartment. You can move your clothes in if it makes you comfier. You said you don’t live here much anyway.”

Taemin nodded. “But if my manager finds out…” He pulled out his phone to read if said manager had left any messages.

“We just won’t let him find out. We do that by not doing obvious things like making couple pictures our backgrounds on our phones,” Jonghyun reasoned, reaching across and grabbing Taemin’s phone. He ended up pressing the wrong button and pulling up the contacts. “Or by naming me as ‘ _Bae_ ’ in your phone. What the hell does that even mean?”

Taemin snatched his phone back. “I dunno, it’s an English word.”

“Change it.”

“Can I call you ‘The one with the sexy voice’ instead?”

“Absolutely not,” Jonghyun dismissed, shaking his head with a smile.

“How about ‘Chocolate abs’?”

“No!”

“You’re no fun!” Taemin cried out, banging his fists against the table. “I want to call you something fun.”

“Just call me ‘Blue Night’ or something.”

Taemin shifted nervously. “I already have Blue Night on here.”

Jonghyun blinked. “I knew that was you last night,” he said, shaking his head with a small smile.

“Yeah… sorry, I was lonely and I wanted to hear you speak to me. I didn’t know if it would be the last time or-“

Jonghyun reached across, not going for his phone this time, and took Taemin’s hands in his own. “I’d always come back to you. You’re the one I want to be with.”

Taemin smiled bashfully and squeezed Jonghyun’s hands. “I want to be with you too.”

“The rest will fall into place, let’s just start with these simple rules and go from there.”

* * *

A few months passed by and Taemin was preparing to do his first drama OST. He’d be assigned to sing a ballad and he was getting nervous.

“Ballads aren’t my thing,” Taemin confessed as Jonghyun waited with him in the recording studio. The door swung open and out came Taeyeon, dressed in a white t-shirt and tight high-waisted jeans. Jonghyun nearly fell off his chair.

“Taeminnie! You’re recording next? Who’s this?” Taeyeon asked, her eyes fixating on Jonghyun’s shocked face. “He’s handsome.”

“This is Jonghyun, he’s the host of Blue Night.”

Taeyeon’s expression changed completely and she grinned knowingly. “I see. I hear you’re a big fan of me.”

“Who wha-“ He turned to Taemin who beamed at him.

“Lee Taemin!” The engineering called out and the idol bounced onto his feet and all but danced into the recording booth. 

“It’s nice to meet a fan. I’m sorry I don’t catch enough time to listen to your broadcasts but when Taemin was training he wouldn’t shut up about it. He said you were nothing short of a gentleman when he was a guest.”

“I well…” Jonghyun scratched at his head.

“I’d love to be a guest though, see how the show works. I hear your voice is something to really listen to,” Taeyeon said with a smirk. “I also know how Taemin feels about you and I’m just warning you now, if you hurt him it’ll be the biggest regret.”

“Oh, I have no intentions of ever hurting him,” Jonghyun said, finding his voice again. Taeyeon smiled.

“I know, he’s the one I should really be warning. Thank you for all your support, again. I’ll try and catch your show tonight.”

“Oh, I don’t host on Saturdays… or Sundays now either.”

Taeyeon grinned. “Monday night it is then.” She waved goodbye before leaving the studio, her manager chatting to her left as she pulled her coat on.

Jonghyun immediately pulled out his phone and texted Jinki; telling him that he had just met Taeyeon.

“ _Did you get her autograph_!?”

Jonghyun slapped his phone against his forehead, damn his stupid mouth.

* * *

“Hello and welcome to Blue Night. I’m Jonghyun and I’m glad you could join us in this space. Today we have a special guest. Taemin-ah, this is your second appearance, isn’t it?”

“It is, Jonghyun-hyung! I’m such a huge fan of this show, so it’s an honour to be back,” Taemin said into the mic, smiling across at Jonghyun.

“If they keep making goo-goo eyes at each other like that, I’m going to call the police,” Joy scoffed. “Are they banging or something?”

Jinki choked on his coffee. “Why do you always assume people are banging?”

“Because she’s jealous no one’s banging her,” Seulgi commented.

“Unnie!” Joy cried out. “But they do look very in love with each other.”

“Maybe they are,” Seulgi shrugged. “It’s none of our business.”

“It was very suspicious when Taemin broke up with Krystal. No photos of them ever being caught on a date but somehow they were in a very public relationship,” Joy commented. “Ah, they’re cute.”

“You were literally gagging two seconds ago,” Jinki griped.

“Today, I think we’ll play your new album. I personally am a big fan of this song,” Jonghyun said, winking at Taemin before playing _Drip Drop_. Taemin swayed his head as he heard his voice pour through his headphones and then turned to Jonghyun to see him mouthing along with the chorus.

“ _In my heart, Drip Drop, you fall one by one_.”

Taemin grinned and began to follow along. “ _Drip Drop like this music, Drip Drop Drip Drop on me_.”

* * *

The two walked home after the show, Taemin wrapped up in his disguise and Jonghyun strolling along, free as a bird. “I like the winter,” Jonghyun then said. “November is the perfect time of year.”

Taemin smiled. “I prefer January.”

“Why?”

“That’s when I met you, hyung,” Taemin said, nudging into his boyfriend. “I finally got to see the face of the man I was completely in love with. It made my whole life worth it.”

“I thought becoming an idol made your whole life worth it.”

Taemin shrugged. “I’ve been thinking… If we get into trouble like last time… I would give this up for you.”

“Don’t you dare,” Jonghyun gasped, scandalised. “I would never let you.”

Taemin stopped walking. “Would you be mad at me?”

“No, I wouldn’t be mad at you,” Jonghyun said, rolling his eyes. “Do what you want, but I know being an idol means more to you than I do. Don’t give it up to be with me.”

“I’m scared I can’t have both,” Taemin admitted. A cold wetness tickled his cheekbone and the two looked up to see freckles of snow falling to the ground.

“I’ve never seen it snow this early,” Jonghyun commented, before looking back at Taemin. “This is a sign that everything’s going to be okay. We can have both, we just have to work for it. Is it worth it?”

“Yes, is it for you?”

Jonghyun took Taemin’s hand in his own and squeezed it gently. “It’s always been worth it to me.”

They continued down the street, hand in hand, snow decorating the world around them, painting it pristine white. Jonghyun liked the snow most of all, he liked the clean feeling it left behind, untouched by nature. It blanketed the ground, the roofs of houses and cars, and even the streetlamps, letting everything start over again when it melted away.

“Hyung,” Taemin said, stopping once more. “I love you.”

Jonghyun squeezed his hand. “I love you too, Taemin-ah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a short hiatus, as I'm sure you can understand. Whether I return or not... It's hard to say.  
> I'd like to come back but writing isn't something I'm doing as frequently as I used to.
> 
> If I don't return, thank you for everything and I hope my fics have helped some way.
> 
> If I do, I shall see you then!
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


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